Goodbye, August

 A lot has happened this month, so I am not sad to say goodbye to August and move on to hopefully better days in September! Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Feeling Your Feelings

I can't remember when I first heard the term "toxic positivity" but I do remember how I felt: vaguely unsettled and puzzled. How could positivity, a universally good thing, ever be toxic? The Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA) defines toxic positivity thusly: "Toxic Positivity occurs when encouraging statements are expected to minimize or eliminate painful emotions, creating pressure to be unrealistically optimistic without considering the circumstances of the situation. "

Unfortunately, I sometimes see within myself this tendency to focus on the positive and ignore negative emotions. I know intellectually this isn't healthy, but I can't help doing it anyway. Facing up to the hard, unfair, unkind, and damaging things in the world can, and often does, stir up negative emotions. And frankly - some things should make us feel bad! When we do bad things, we should feel regret. When we read about or see injustice or cruelty, we should be indignant and upset about it. If we don't feel those feelings, I think we are shortchanging ourselves from the full human experience.

For a book club, I recently re-read the Jane Austen masterpiece that is Persuasion. At one point, the heroine Anne Elliot is talking to her friend Mrs. Smith about how sickness always brings out nobility of character, or as she puts it: "...heroism, fortitude, patience, resignation: of all the conflicts and all the sacrifices that ennoble us most...." Her friend wisely replies: “Yes,” said Mrs Smith more doubtingly, “sometimes it may, though I fear its lessons are not often in the elevated style you describe. Here and there, human nature may be great in times of trial; but generally speaking, it is its weakness and not its strength that appears in a sick chamber: it is selfishness and impatience rather than generosity and fortitude, that one hears of.” One of Austen's strengths as a writer is her acknowledgement of human frailty. A perfect person might face disease and death heroically, but that's simply not reality.

I was recently talking to a friend about a close family member who will likely soon pass away. The friend's comment was something like "no one knows what to say - it makes people weird." It's impossible to say the right thing in the face of certain death. So I think it's understandable when people search for a bright side in the face of such ugliness and pain. But, true empathy is sitting with that person in pain (you might say "mourning with those who mourn"), and resisting the impulse to find the silver lining in the dark cloud every second of every day.

Now of course I'm not saying we should give into despair and wallow every day - while there is a lot to be sad about, if you're feeling sad all the time, you need to seek medical help for that. But, I am saying that we are allowed to feel negative emotions. We shouldn't create a false expectation of perfection by saying things like "oh, she never complains" about people who struggle with chronic disease. Maybe that person doesn't feel like they can share those negative things with you! We should give everyone (including ourselves!) the grace and space to complain, to have bad days, to struggle with things.

May is apparently Mental Health Awareness Month. As part of that, my company had a recent webinar with Michael Phelps, the Olympian, about his struggles with mental health. He mentioned the "eight primary emotions," which was a term I hadn't heard before. The 8 primary emotions are anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, and disgust. It made me think about when I feel those emotions, and recognize that each of those is just part of being alive. 

Not sure why this was on my mind so much, but it has been! So, my advice to you is this: Feel Your Feelings. Understand and be grateful for those emotions, because they are part of this wild and precious life, to paraphrase the poet Mary Oliver. This is beautifully illustrated by the children's movie Inside Out.

On Fallibility

A story is told of a woman who is looking for her son as sacrament meeting is about to start. She looks everywhere and finally finds him outside the church, under a tree. She says gently, "son, church is about to start - why don't you come in?" He scuffs his shoes, and says "but...nobody in there likes me!" She replies: "son, you have to come in, you're the Bishop."

I don't know why I find that joke so funny, but I do. At its heart, it reminds us that in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, our leaders are *us* - they are fallible human mortals like ourselves. It can be frustrating in many ways, and there are certainly drawbacks to a lay clergy instead of a professional one. But one of the benefits in my mind is that we get to rub shoulders with our leaders and recognize their flaws in a shared community where we are trying to work together. After having a difficult calling ourselves, we are also hopefully more empathetic and less judgmental of those who have that calling after us. I know, after serving in multiple Relief Society presidencies in various capacities, that I will never judge another Relief Society President, because I've seen firsthand that it's hard!

Expecting perfection of anyone or anything is asking for disappointment. Placing an expectation of perfection on people can also cause anxiety for them as they strive to live up to the impossible standard we've created for them. This is true of our general church leaders, including our prophet. We need to do a better job of recognizing that the prophets, apostles, general relief society presidents are just people, doing the best they can to translate celestial ideas into imperfect language. In a church with millions of people, there are going to be a lot of different ways to say and do things, and we need to be better at being okay with that.

Similarly, expecting perfection of political leaders is just as infeasible. In the 2024 U.S. election, we seem to be headed to a rematch between Trump and Biden. When it comes to these two men, to me it is the easiest choice I've ever had when presented with voting! One man has 91 criminal indictments, insults anyone who disagrees with him, is vindictive and angry, and has cheated on all three of his wives! Further, he was a terrible and ineffective president, as many of his former employees have testified. 

Biden isn't perfect, but he's a good and decent man who tries to do the right thing. I do worry about his age, but honestly I would prefer a good old guy over a bad young one (and Trump is no spring chicken himself). There's an old saying that "you shouldn't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." In politics as in life, there is no perfection, but Biden is a pretty good option and in my opinion has been an effective president who's earned reelection. Nobody's perfect, but we need to be okay with that.

Fresh Courage Take

 My dog, Daisy, does not deal well with the unexpected. Garbage can on the sidewalk instead of the curb? She barks at it! A neighbor who she's seen many times before wears a new hat? Barking time! A construction vehicle is parked at the end of the street we walk down? She goes crazy! Daisy is not the smartest dog (yet also not the dumbest), but she barks at these perceived threats as a way of warning me and everyone else about them. She barks because she doesn't really know what else to do when confronted with a new situation. Now, I can't really explain to her that she doesn't need to fear these things, because I don't speak Dog. If I did, I could convince her to stop barking at every mail or UPS truck that drives past our front window.

So far, the best way of dealing with it is to tell Daisy in a soothing voice, "it's going to be okay." Then, I let her approach the garbage can/stationary vehicle/person and let her sniff and see it up close. She is usually able to determine that this person or thing is not a threat to her (except in the case of trucks, which she still views as mortal enemies for some reason). 

In some ways I am not unlike Daisy. I also don't do well with change. My life is pretty safe and comfortable, and I don't really go out of my way to step outside my comfort zone. Drastic change takes courage, and I lack either the willpower or strength to strike out bravely into the unknown. 

In the novel "To Kill A Mockingbird," the character Atticus Finch defines courage as "...when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what." That isn't a quality I really find in myself. What is the source of that type of courage, and how do I get me some of that?

The title of this post is taken from the Mormon hymn "Come, Come, Ye Saints," which was written by Mormon poet William Clayton. The third verse reads, in part: "Gird up your loins, fresh courage take./Our God will never us forsake." Clayton wrote the poem in Winter Quarters, Nebraska, before he set out as part of the first group of saints to head to the Salt Lake Valley. Along the way, he was assigned to chart the progress of the company and measure distances, partially in order to help the thousands of others who would also be making the journey. Initially, he counted the revolutions of the wheel by hand and used the wheel's circumference to measure distances. Eventually, with the help of others, Clayton invented a wagon odometer that would number the wheel revolutions.

The courage of the pioneers was measured one step or one wagon wheel revolution at a time. They just kept moving forward (in some ways, they didn't really have a choice). And really, the only way to take that fresh courage that we each need is to keep walking forward, one step at a time, even when we know we're licked before we begin. It reminds me of the final scene of the movie "The Martian," where Matt Damon's character is teaching a group of potential astronauts about how to survive the dangers of space: "At some point everything is going to go south on you. Everything is going to go south and you're going to say 'This is it. This is how I end.' Now you can either accept that or you can get to work. That's all it is. You just begin. You do the math, you solve one problem. Then you solve the next one, and then the next and if you solve enough problems you get to come home."

Easter is usually associated (rightly) with hope. But this Easter, I'm wishing you courage for whatever challenges, changes, or obstacles you face. Gird up your loins, fresh courage take! Keep walking forward. Maybe I can do the same.

The Underrated Virtue of Duty

There is one very grumpy lady who I encountered on my mission, who I think of often. She would come to church with her teenage daughter, and sit on the very front row, but she was unwilling to engage with anyone. When I was new to the area, I approached her to welcome her, and she waved me off, saying "I'm only here because I promised Elder So-and-so, who baptized me, that I would come to church."

Now, I'm not saying that is the BEST reason to go to church. It's definitely not! But, as I get older, I've come to realize that being dutiful or doing something out of duty is an underrated virtue. We will all go through periods of "I'm just not feeling it." This can happen in work, relationships, and of course, church. But if we push through those periods, we can get through them, and often realize how valuable that experience or relationship is to us. 

A wise bishop once told me that his testimony wasn't some steady line that was always increasing. It zigged and zagged with a hopefully (eventual) upward trajectory. I've taken comfort in that during periods where I struggle with things. There are Sundays like today, where I go to church and even though it was a good meeting in many respects, I didn't have some amazing spiritual experience or uplifting conversation. Sometimes I struggle to feel like I belong in a church with a strong emphasis on marriage and children (I have neither, which makes me an outlier in my current congregation). 

But, wisely or unwisely, I keep showing up. Sometimes it is duty that gets me in the pews, and that's okay. I'm hopefully slightly less grumpy about it than the lady I met on my mission. Eventually it leads me to serving and loving others, which I firmly believe is the purpose of the gospel/church/religion in general.

Note: I don't judge anyone who doesn't find duty a compelling motivator for church attendance or anything else. I'm also certainly not suggesting a Gospel of Masochism where we do things as unthinking drones or drudges. But, I am suggesting that duty can get us through the "not fun" part of something that is important.

Solving (One of) The (Current) Mid-East Crisis(es)

There is a great joke in the classic Sandra Bullock movie "Miss Congeniality" (well, there are many great jokes in that movie, but this is one of my faves). All of the beauty pagent contestants are lined up to answer questions, and saying the one thing that the world needs. There is a montage of several contestants saying "world peace." Then Sandra Bullock steps up, and when asked what the world needs most, she says, "harsher penalties for parole violators...(*awkward silence*)...and world peace" - once she says "world peace" the audience claps and the announcer looks relieved that she got the "right" answer.

https://youtu.be/3st-Hai1y54?si=jL-pQdD1qRuW5pzK

The joke, of course, is that everyone knows the answer *should* be world peace. Knowing that is the easy part! The hard part, is, as ever, actually achieving word peace.

When titling this blog post, I wasn't sure if it would come off as flippantly talking about a tragic crisis. For my entire life (4 decades and counting!), there has been some ongoing crisis in the middle east. Currently, there are a bunch of terrible situations happening - Syria continues to be a hot mess, Iran continues to execute human rights protestors, and Houthi rebels are trying to take over Yemen and disrupt international shipping, to name a few.

But the crisis I want to talk about is the current chapter in the Israel/Palestine conflict. On October 7th, 2023, armed Palestinians slaughtered over 1,000 people and took hostage over 200 more. Many of those were Israeli civilians going about their daily lives. I haven't been able to watch the videos or look at pictures of many of the events, because my brain just can't comprehend the evil in killing/raping music festival attendees, shooting elderly holocaust survivors, and murdering babies. It's important to acknowledge these facts. Even if you think the Palestinian people have some legitimate beefs (and they very much do, in my opinion), we need to live in a world where we acknowledge that this attack was horrific and traumatizing. 

In response, Israeli forces have decimated the Gaza strip. It's estimated that 85% of Gazans have fled their homes, thousands of Palestinians have been killed (including far too many children), and 25% of the population is starving. Just as it is important to acknowledge the suffering inflicted on October 7th, it is important to acknowledge the fact that the Gaza strip is a perilous and horrific place right now. Just like with October 7th, I haven't been able to watch many of the pictures/videos showing the aftermath.

Despite the title of this post, I don't actually have a grand plan of how to solve this. Hamas is likely using innocent Palestinians as human shields in a densely populated area, which makes targeted Israeli strikes an impossibility. Rockets continue to fire from Palestine to Israel, making a ceasefire even more challenging and potentially one-sided if Isreal were to stop bombing Gaza.

The only truth that I can conjur up is that genocide does not justify genocide. If you believe an act is evil (and murder is evil!), you have a responsibility not to engage in it. Even if you have been wronged. I recognize that this puts a burden on victims of violence that is unfair and heartbreaking. The only way forward is to acknowledge the pain of your "enemies" - acknowledging that pain is hard. It means seeing humanity in those you have dismissed as fools, dupes, or worse. It means seeking that elusive world peace even when it seems far out of reach.

I hope to see President Biden's administration do more to pressure Israel - protecting the lives of Palestinian civilians is a moral imperative, even despite the horrific nature of the October 7th attacks.

For more on this subject, I recommend reading the wise sermons of Dr. Martin Luther King, who taught so eloquently of the destructive power of hate and the creative transformation of love.

Wishing, and Waiting, and Hoping, and Praying

Many years ago I was talking to a male friend, and he described one of our mutual female acquaintances as "boy crazy." It irked me at the time, but I let it pass because it wasn't really the time/place to get into a feminist rant (though, with age, I've come to realize that almost any time and place can accommodate the occasional feminist rant). "Boy crazy" is a way to dismiss women for not showing the appropriate level of interest in romantic relationships. Women can also, of course, be described as "frigid" and "too picky" - it's a really fine line to walk between seeming available and being too available - how does one even navigate this? 

As a perennially single Mormon woman, I probably spend too much time wondering about the "appropriate" level of time/thought/energy to my single status - have I given up? Am I obsessing if I spend a few hours swiping through dating apps? No matter what my answer is, it always seems to be the wrong one - I appear to be trying too hard or not hard enough.

Another experience from a few years ago: I was having dinner with family. The restaurant seated us at an eight person table - two seats for my parents; two seats for one of my brothers and his wife; two seats for my other brother and his then fiancé (now wife), and one seat for me - of course, this only added up to seven, so there was an empty seat next to me. I started to think: is that seat going to be empty forever? Given my current age and the life expectancy of Americans, I probably have another few decades of life on this earth ahead of me, at least. Part of me spiraled a little bit inside during that dinner: am I forever going to be the single one at this table (and all the other tables)? It feels like staring down decades of loneliness as I look to the future.

Logically, I know I am worthy of love - every human being is. But I can't help but feel like I am missing some essential characteristic that makes me attractive to members of the opposite sex. I don't mean to say that I am the sexiest or best person on the planet, in fact I am far from either. Just, sometimes it hurts to feel like there is no one in my life who chose me - a person who thinks I'm great not because I'm a good friend or because they are obligated to love me because of family connections, but someone who sees a potential future with me. I've never had a serious romantic relationship, and it feels like it must be my fault (and I'm sure, in many ways, it is).

Of course, part of what makes this hard is that I feel churlish complaining about it. I don't want my married friends/family to feel guilty or bad about being married - I'm happy for them! Likewise, in the grand scheme of life options on this planet, I have by far one of the easiest lives - I have food, shelter, transportation, health, loving family members who care about me, enough money to support myself, etc. It seems silly to complain and moan about my "single blessedness" when other people are struggling with far greater challenges.

Not to mention, "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" - I know that my self worth is not tied to being found desirable by men. I know this, and yet, still I yearn: I yearn to have a boyfriend/husband to share my life with and lie down with at the end of a long day. I want this so badly it hurts sometimes. And I don't know where to put that pain - it would be a lot easier if I truly didn't care. And sometimes that is what I want - to just be numb to this desire - to have it be taken away would be so much easier than caring. 

I think about a line from the musical Wicked a lot. Idina Menzel's character, Elphaba, is lusting after Fiero, a character who is dating her best friend. She sings a song "I'm Not That Girl" recognizing that she's not the pretty/popular girl who gets the guy. One line cuts me deep each time I hear it: "Don't wish/too hard/wishing only wounds the heart." To me, it speaks of the pain of wishing, with no actual hope of success. I wish I didn't identify with that sentiment. In the meantime, I'll just be over here, trying not to wish (which yes, I know makes me the continued queen-of-non-emotionally-healthy-responses to difficult topics).

Anyway today this was on my mind - usually I'm pretty successful in pushing it out of my mind and not thinking about it. I don't want it to consume my life, but some days I give in to a pity party and feel sorry for myself. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.

Title of this post is taken from the great Dusty Springfield song.

The (GOP-Court-Majority-Sized) Elephant in the Room

Unless you've been living under a rock the past few days, you probably heard that a leaked Supreme Court decision shows a majority on the Court are supporting an overturn of the precedential case Roe v. Wade, which provided a constitutional right to abortion in certain cases. While most observers expected this conservative majority to chip away at abortion rights, the main shocking thing seems to be that Roe is being completely thrown away (and under reasoning I find very suspect, but that's probably a separate post). 

I believe that one of the reasons many Mormons are so Republican/conservative is that there is a strong anti-abortion sentiment among most members. In case you haven't already guessed this from the title of my blog, I'm pro-choice (and I did another blog post on this topic back in 2013). That doesn't mean I necessarily think abortion is great. If I found myself with an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy, I know I would really struggle with what to do - but I think it should be my choice, not the government's. It seems like the height of government overreach to say that government should control the private medical decisions about what happens inside a woman's body. So, I thought I would lay out the "moral" and "practical" reasons I feel that abortion should still be legal here in America.

The Moral Argument for Legal Abortion

If someone needs a kidney transplant, I cannot be forced to give him/her my kidney - even if I *can* do so without causing my own death, the law of the land respects my bodily autonomy enough to say that I cannot be forced to save another's life. Is this a morally complicated issue? Absolutely! But I have control over how my body is used - that is the essence of personal liberty. The same argument applies to abortion. Not even a mother can be forced to save the life of her child by giving up a kidney - similarly, I don't believe a woman should be forced to carry a baby to term.

There are many circumstances where a woman may consider an abortion - when her own life is at stake, when the baby's life is at stake, when the pregnancy is the result of rape/incest, or many other situations too numerous to mention. My point here is that the woman is an adult, capable of making mature ethical and medical decisions. You may not agree with those decisions (just like you might not agree with me eating junk food) but you don't get to make those decisions on behalf of another person. 

Of course, pro-life individuals will argue that it is the woman who is making a decision on behalf of another person by "murdering" a fetus. To me, the question of when life begins is a complicated one - is a fertilized egg sitting in a petri dish, waiting to be implanted in a woman, a life? I don't think so, and most people would agree that it's not. On the other hand, I don't believe that abortion should be allowed "up to conception" - at some point, that fetus becomes a baby, and I'm not sure when that is, to be honest. BUT, I know that I am much more comfortable with women making a decision on abortion, than with a court mandating that women be forced to give birth.

Practical Arguments for Legal Abortion 

Setting aside the moral arguments for and against legal abortion, let's look at the practical arguments.

Research shows that rates of abortion are similar across the world in countries where abortion is legal and where it is illegal. Outlawing abortion doesn't decrease the number of abortions, it decreases the number of safe abortions. One of the consequences of overturning Roe will be women seeking unsafe abortions, and likely dying as a result. How can you claim to be pro-life if the policy you are pursuing results in more death?

The majority of Americans think that abortion should be legal in some or all circumstances. The most recent poll I could find showed that 32% of Americans think abortion should be legal in all circumstances while 48% said it should be legal in some circumstances - only 19% of Americans think it should be illegal in all circumstances (poll info along with lots of other polls available here). How are we going to craft laws that allow abortion in the cases where most people believe it should be legal (i.e. mother's health at stake, or as the result of rape) while disallowing it in cases we think it shouldn't be legal? It's really hard to draft a law considering all situations, and it's also going to be really hard to enforce that law. Are we willing to lock up women seeking abortions? Send doctors and medical professionals to jail? Do we think that these actions are the right answer here? 

Final Thoughts

Look, you may agree with none of what I said (in which case, kudos for reading this far). That is okay - there are lots of different views on abortion, and it's a complicated moral issue, so there should be lots of different views. But, I would ask you to step into the shoes of women contemplating abortion - think about the 11-year old victim of rape, the mother of 3 who finds out her baby has a non-survivable medical condition, the woman finding out that a longed-for pregnancy is dangerous to her health, the abuse victim who can't bear to raise a baby with her abuser. There are a lot of these stories out there. You may not think that these situations represent the majority of those seeking abortions, but there are a non-zero number of stories like this. Please have compassion on the women in any situation where they are contemplating abortion, and consider them as people, as human beings with thoughts and emotions and their own unique circumstances. I think they are able to make this difficult decision best for themselves, rather than having it made for them by the government.

There is lots more I can say on this topic - all the ways we can reduce "demand" for abortions without outlawing "supply," etc. But for now, I'll leave you with this clip from the movie "After Tiller" about late term abortions - this clip is about a fetus developing without part of its brain, and the difficult decision facing the doctor and parents at a late stage of pregnancy. I think about this clip a lot when abortion is discussed. I hope that no one has to go through this agonizing decision, but the only thing that could make it worse is if the government intervened and made the decision for you.

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Road Trip Part 2: Learning about Laura

When I was a kid, I read and devoured a set of yellow paperback versions of Laura Ignalls Wilder's books (Little House in the Big Woods, Little House on the Prairie, etc.). I still have those well thumbed paperbacks - I think I read some of them multiple times because I enjoyed the simple pleasures of the world they created. As part of my cross country trip, I decided to visit several of the places Laura lived. While some of the museums were hokey, it was cool to see the actual sites of where the events of the books took place. As I traveled, I also listened to the audiobook of the Pulitzer Prize winning biography of Laura: "Prairie Fires" by Caroline Fraser. I learned a lot about Laura's relationship with her daughter Rose. Rose (a writer in her own right) edited and shaped many of the Little House books. I didn't realize that Laura didn't start publishing her books until she was in her 60s! Prairie Fires was interesting listening as I traveled through the actual geography of the places Laura lived and wrote about, I highly recommend it if you are interested in the context of Laura's life.

Statue of Laura in DeSmet, SD

Pepin, Wisconsin

There was a little museum here, which isn't really worth your time (though admittance is only $5). I did enjoy seeing the recreation of "Little House in the Big Woods" - which was literally just at a rest stop at the side of the road and thus free. That is the book I've read most recently. It was also just cool to drive through the countryside, including the swampy area near the river, and imagine Ma and Pa and Mary and Laura in their cabin in the late 1800s.

"Little House In the Big Woods"

Looking Out Over the River near Pepin, WI

Walnut Grove, Minnesota

A store Pa Ignalls helped build in Walnut Grove

This museum actually did have some artifacts from Laura's and the Ignalls Family's life, as well as numerous artifacts of the TV series (I'm not a fan of the TV series - the few episodes I've seen were too corny for me). The museum area also had a recreation of several buildings in Laura's life. While the museum was run down, it would be worth it if you love the TV show, or are just super interested in Laura.

Display showing Laura's books in several languages - they've sold all over the world!

Me, Eating A Plum On the Banks of Plum Creek (and generally being a nerd)

Site of the Dugout on Plum Creek

The highlight of the Minnesota stop was visiting the actual site of the dugout featured in the book "On the Banks of Plum Creek." It was a nice area to walk around in and I don't think it's really much changed since Laura's time - I took a nice walk through a nearby meadow and saw lots of butterflies and wildflowers. 

Plum Creek

De Smet, South Dakota

This the site I probably enjoyed the most from a historical perspective - best tour (given by a high schooler!), and lots of actual historical buildings - the surveyor's house where the Ignalls family lived, the house Ma and Pa retired to, etc. There is also the homestead site outside town where the trees planted by Pa "On the Shores of Silver Lake" still stand.

Surveyor's House, where Ignalls family lived for one winter in De Smet

The House where Ma and Pa "retired" in downtown De Smet

Some of the trees Pa planted "on the banks of Silver Lake"

All the sites are pretty out of the way from everywhere else, but it was still fun to retrace Laura's steps and feel nostalgic about reading the books as a pre-teen/teenager. A nice way to pass the time while crossing the country!

Road Trip Part 1: Suffrage Sites

Hi Y'all! As you have seen, I have not posted much regarding my sabbatical - unfortunately I have spent most of it reading silly books and procrastinating important decisions. But, a week ago I set out on my epic road trip - covering thousands of miles and practically a whole continent! 

On my way to the main attractions (Glacier, Yellowstone, and Grand Teton National Parks), I stopped at a few suffrage historical sites along the way. As you all know, I'm a huge nerd for suffrage history, and I've organized/led suffrage walking tours of Washington, DC covering the involvement of Mormon women in the suffrage movement. So, without further ado, here are some pictures and details of the suffrage sites I visited. I'm currently debating whether I want to spend the money to stay in the very ritzy Hermitage Hotel in Nashville, where the suffragists plotted their campaign to get Tennessee to ratify the 19th amendment (Tennessee was the final state they needed to ratify so that women could vote in the 1920 election). 

Harriet Taylor Upton's Home in Warren, Ohio

It's a safe bet that most of you haven't heard of Harriet Taylor Upton, but she was an instrumental figure in the women's suffrage movement. She was treasurer of the national suffrage association for over 15 years, and for a period close to a decade, the national association's headquarters was in her hometown of Warren, Ohio so she could run the office. Harriet was also big in Republican party politics, as her father was a congressman. In her (huge) dining room in (tiny) Warren, OH, Harriet entertained 4 Republican presidents. During the 1920 campaign, Harriet was the one who held Warren G. Harding's feet to the fire and made sure he did everything he could for suffrage (at the time, she was the highest ranking woman in the Republican party). 

Harriet's House!

The house was nice and well maintained by a local Harriet Taylor Upton society (they rent it out for events). While there, I bought a copy of Harriet's "Random Recollections" - some of her memories. I wish she would have written more about her suffrage activities - she barely mentions her treasurer duties, and as an accountant, I am professionally interested. But here are a few of my favorite moments:

Harriet's huge dining room. I swear you could probably seat 30 people comfortably in this room.

- She woke up Carrie Chapman Catt in the middle of the night so that CCC could help re-enact a funny story Harriet was telling to the other suffragists traveling with them. Harriet was renown for her sense of humor and ability to make people laugh. (pg. 113)

Harriet's study, which displayed letters she wrote and received from Republican Presidents, including Calvin Coolidge

- She noted that women had to be "politicians before they were voters." Her memoirs are full of trenchant political analysis that still applies today. "Legislators may be leaders, but more often they seem to be followers." (pg. 106) Writing of an episode where one senator encouraged her to make up stories about another senator to blackmail him to the suffrage cause, she writes: "Why do sensible people put fools - really mentally lacking fools - in office?" (pg 144)

- She was in the congressional gallery with Susan B. Anthony when Wyoming was accepted as a state, with women enshrined as voters in that state's constitution. Susan B. Anthony said to her "it is the beginning of the end." (pg 107) I have to admit I teared up a bit at that.

- In describing Elizabeth Cady Stanton, she said "She was humorous, logical, and an agitator. She loved to stir up things, leaving the straightening out to Miss Anthony. She was not an organizer. The agitator in any reform precedes the organizer." (pg. 93)

- Speaking of her battle to get Tennessee Republicans to ratify the 19th amendment, she said: "I was to trust them and encourage them and keep calm if possible (it was not possible). And to be hopeful and happy if possible (and it wasn't possible)." 

Harriet's ashes are buried in her garden - she loved gardening.

If you're interested in learning more about Harriet, there are two really short episodes of the Mercantile Library's Podcast "Genius of Liberty" which talk about Harriet and her contributions - see episodes 9 and 10 (the whole podcast is great - lots of interesting suffrage history nuggets in short bursts!).

Sojourner Truth - Statute (Battle Creek, MI) and Plaque (Akron, OH)

Sojourner Truth is probably someone you already know, but did you know she fought a court case for her children's freedom after they were illegally sold down south? She was also a powerful speaker on behalf of abolition and women's rights. She gave her famous "Ain't I a Woman?" speech in Akron, OH, and there is a plaque there memorializing where it happened. Kerry Washington performed part of Sojourner's speech in this video. There is some controversy over whether the text was modified, as the most famous version of the speech was written down many years after the convention where Sojourner spoke. Currently, money is being raised to erect a statue of Sojourner on this site - you can donate here if you are interested.

Plaque where Sojourner gave her 1851 speech in Akron, OH

Sojourner spent the last years of her life in Battle Creek, Michigan, and there is a 16 foot high statute of her there. She's also buried there, but I didn't get to see her grave as the cemetery was closed the day I was there. You can learn more about Sojourner in this TED Video - I appreciated especially her faith in God.

Sojourner's Statute in Battle Creek, MI

Ida B. Wells-Barnett Home, Chicago, Illinois

Today this is just someone's private residence, but for over a decade in the early 20th century, this stone townhouse in Chicago (near the White Sox stadium) was home to one of the 19th and 20th century's fiercest anti-lynching writers, who was also a suffragist. Ida B. Wells-Barnett is just an amazing lady, and I was glad I could stop by her house and remember her amazing contributions. If you're interested in learning more about her, this podcast episode was really good.

Ida's Chicago Home

Frances Willard's Home, Evanston, Illinois

Not far away from Ida's home, just north of Chicago, was the home of another legendary progressive activist, Frances Willard. Frances was the head of the Women's Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) for decades. Her home is now a museum with many of her belongings still there. This tour was really good - the docent leading the tour knew so much about Frances and was able to answer all my questions, I was really impressed - it helped that it was a tour just for me and their new intern.

Frances' "cottage" in Evanston

Frances urged WCTU members to get involved in politics and suffrage. The tour noted that the WCTU got many more conservative women into the movement - the WCTU was a respectable way for women to become more involved in political matters and served as a "gateway drug" to more progressive and radical reforms. For more info you can check out this online essay and this online exhibit. The museum also has an online exhibit about the clash between Frances Willard and Ida B. Wells-Barnett - Ida called out Frances on her racism.

Actual photo of Frances at work - she wasn't afraid of clutter!

Frances' Study - much neater than in life!

While there, I purchased a short book by Frances: "How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle." It was a fun little book (her part was only 80 pages), but there were also some interesting scholarly essays talking about the context of women riding bicycles in the 19th century, which was fascinating.

Frances named her bicycle "Gladys" because it brought her gladness/joy!

Carrie Chapman Catt's Home, Charles City, Iowa

Cornfield across the road from Carrie's House

19 apple trees planted on Carrie's land to commemorate the 19th Amendment centennial last year

Not surprisingly for Iowa, Carrie Chapman Catt's home was surrounded by cornfields. For those of you who don't know, Carrie was Susan B. Anthony's hand-picked successor and the one who ultimately lead the National American Women's Suffrage Association to victory in 1919 and 1920 (I should note, Alice Paul led the more radical Women's Party at the same time, and deserves some of the credit for the victory too). Carrie was good friends with Harriet Taylor Upton, too. Carrie is one of the suffragists I admire the most, and this was the museum I was most looking forward to visiting because of that. 

Carrie's Childhood Home

This museum was interesting - instead of setting up furniture in the rooms of the house where Carrie grew up, the museum organizers had a local college put together displays walking through her life and quotes inside the house - so it was like walking through a timeline of Carrie's life. Unfortunately pictures were not allowed inside, but I did learn lots of interesting facts about Carrie - she was also a peace activist who met Gandhi! I did like seeing Carrie's "victory dresses" - she liked to commission blue dresses to celebrate suffrage victories.

In the unlikely event you've made it this far, thanks for reading my travelogue! More to come on the Laura Ignalls Wilder sites I visited, and of course the National Parks I'm currently spending time in. I'll close with a picture of the fireplace in Frances Willard's study, which quotes a poem by John Whitcomb Riley, reminding us to speak well of others - it's an inspiring message that can help us get things done instead of focusing on the negative.

"Let Something Good Be Said"

Anybody Have A Map?

Starting today, I am taking a 2.5 month sabbatical from work. I haven't told a lot of people about it, because a part of me feels like it's an admission of failure - that I just can't deal with "adulting" like everyone else seems to be able to. The other reason I feel guilty about it is that it's a privilege very few would have - most jobs wouldn't allow you to take this much time off work.

All that being said, I hit a wall. Some of it is COVID, but some of it is working for 12+ years at a demanding job with long hours. So, I really need this right now in my life, and maybe that makes me weak - but each of us has moments of weakness, and it's okay to not be okay sometimes.

As I've thought about what I want to accomplish during this sabbatical, I've realized that there are literally hundreds of things I *could* do - lots of little tasks I never seem to find time for. I'm making a list of those, and my goal is to do one of those things per day. Even little things like cleaning/organizing the linen closet will at least make me feel like I am not wasting this time. It would be easy to let this time slip by in reading/watching TV (though I will no doubt also be doing plenty of that), but it would be a waste to let that be ALL I do with this once in a lifetime opportunity. At the same time, I want to be kind with myself, and realize that not everything on the list may get done, and that is okay.

With goals and new year's resolutions, I've learned that the simplest goals are the best. I've also learned that I can only do a few goals at a time. Thus, I have three incontrovertible rules that I'm going to stick to during my sabbatical. I don't know if I'll share all of them here, as they are personal, but one of them is to unplug from time wasting apps on my phone. So, over the weekend, I deleted Facebook, Instagram, Jewels, Nerts, and Twitter from my phone. You are probably familiar with the social media apps, Jewels and Nerts are the games I play when I'm bored. I'm debating whether to delete the Kindle app (I might do it temporarily until I read all the physical books in my "to read" pile).

Social media has been a double edged sword for me for a long time - I'm grateful to use it to know how my friends are doing, especially the ones who don't live near me. But, all too often it becomes a trigger for jealousy/envy and it also lets me pretend to be a good friend without interacting with people in real life. The games apps have been taking up way too much time and are completely useless.

Other than my "Optional Tasks List" and "Three Incontrovertible Rules," I'm not really setting an agenda for this time. I'm hoping to have fun and not think much about tax accounting. So, it kind of feels like setting off on a journey without a map. The song "Anybody Have a Map?" from the Broadway musical Dear Evan Hansen has been running through my mind.

Even though the song is about parenting challenges, and I'm not a parent, it really speaks to the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. These lyrics stick out to me:

Does anybody have a map?

Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?

I don't know if you can tell

But this is me just pretending to know

So where's the map?

I need a clue

'Cause the scary truth is

I'm flying blind

And I'm making this up as I go

It is a scary truth to acknowledge I'm struggling and not really know how to fix it or where I'll end up. But I'm so lucky to have this time and I'm looking forward to some great trips I have planned, and skipping basically all of my adult responsibilities this summer.

As I will have a lot of "free time" this summer - feel free to share recommendations on:

- Podcasts I should listen to

- Shows/movies I should watch

- Day trips or fun places to visit in the DC area

- Restaurants I should try

- Your favorite complicated recipes I should attempt

- Books I should read (although I have plenty of those already)

Blogging is on the "optional task list" - so you may or may not see more of me in this space this summer. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you via text, phone, or email if you have time to catch-up.

Carbs of 2020

The only New Year's resolution I stuck to in 2020 was baking a new bread recipe every month. 

Yep, I'm doing this. I'm going to bore you with a list of all the new bread recipes I tried, and provide links to the recipes if you are interested. Here goes - they are in alphabetical order because (with the exception of the F-bread) they were all pretty delicious, if I do say so myself, so it's not worth ranking.

Challah Bread (recipe lost to history - there are a bunch out there via Google): Part of the fun of trying new recipes is also getting to try new techniques, like braiding the ropes of Challah together (I got better with loaf #2).

Look at these beauties!

Cheddar Scallion English Muffin Bread: I am usually not a savory person, but this just hit the spot - it's really really good toasted, with great flavor. 

Cheddar. Scallions. Toasted Bread. #isthisheaven

Ciabatta (recipe lost to history): This bread was good, but I wasn't happy with how flat my loaves turned out. I did make a lot, so I had enough to share with some neighbors. Will need to work on this in 2021 - any volunteers for tasters?

Doesn't look great, but tasted okay

Cobh Loaf: An ode to Paul Hollywood's piercing blue eyes, I thought this was a pretty simple yet tasty recipe - the butter made it super soft and rich.

Paul's Cob Loaf. Would I get a handshake? Probably not, but tasted alright to me.

Fougasse (Fail!): being a huge fan of the "Great British Bakeoff," I decided to try my hand at one of the show's easier technical challenges: an herby bread called "Fougasse." It was, as they say, an epic fail. Way too flat, not enough flavor, and just looked and tasted bad. Not a keeper recipe, as it turns out. 

Fougasse Fail - didn't look or taste good. Further evidence I don't belong in the tent!

Ligurian Focaccia: Despite making this twice (once for my mom's birthday!), I managed to not get a picture of it. It has a lot of salt, but if you don't mind that (I don't) it's delicious!

No-Knead Oat Bread: Just like people say they don't have favorite children, I probably don't have a favorite bread, but if there was one of these recipes that I could save from a burning building (or remake again and again), it would probably be this one. Very yummy.

I just love recipes that don't involve kneading. This is so good, I might have devoured this whole loaf. 

NY Times No-Knead Bread: This is just so easy - the biggest ingredient it requires

is time (essentially a whole day). It's a very very very simple recipe and technique, but yields some delicious bread.

Another Lazy, Yet Delicious. Loaf

Rosemary Parmesan Skillet Bread: I didn't get a picture of this one, but it was yummy and flavorful, despite being relatively flat - didn't rise as much as it probably should have.

Swirled Garlic Herb Bread: Mine was definitely not as pretty as the picture (needed more herbs, I think) but it tasted great, which was no surprise given how much butter is involved!

Swirled, herby, buttery - what's not to like?

White Cheddar Bacon Apple Biscuits: I pinned this recipe on Pinterest because I like all of these things individually, but wasn't sure if they would go well together, so I was intrigued. Well, they do go very well together, so you should definitely try this recipe!

A full sheet of these beauties.

Up Close and Personal with One of Our Delicious Friends

For my final recipe of the year, I'm trying my hand at a Nutella babka for my family's New Year's Eve party tomorrow. Here's hoping it turns out well!

20 Good Things in 2020

As Washington Post humor columnist Alexa Petri (channeling Charles Dickens) described 2020: "It was the worst of times. It was the worst of times. It was the season of darkness. It was the season of darkness. It was the winter of despair. It was the winter of despair." 

But there have been some good bits too. So, here is my annual wrap up post (and sorry for not blogging more this year...it's been dispiriting to say the least).

20. Visiting my company's (brand new) training facility in Florida in January. My last plane flight was to Florida to teach training to our company's new hires. It was fun to be one of the first people to see our new training facility (which has now been shut down longer than it's been open - impeccable timing!).

Flying home to National Airport has the BEST views.

19. Empanadas Cookbook Club! Also before the shutdown, in January, I had my Cookbook Club friends over and we made (what seemed like) a bajillion empanadas. We even had some dessert chocolate/dulce de leche ones. So good and so fun! I miss having people over and cooking for them.

Empanadas - yum!

18. (Into) The Woods! I've never been so grateful for the woods/park behind my house as I was this year. Lots of long dog walks and chances to enjoy the seasons changing.

The Woods Are Like a Beautiful Cathedral. I Love Trees!

17. Working from home/being gainfully employed - so many people have lost their jobs during this time, I am seriously lucky that I got to work from home. While I missed interacting with real people, I was grateful to be able to cut down my commute time, save gas money, and most of all, just still be employed.

My "Work From Home" Setup. Luckily I bought a new desk in January!

Daisy likes to interrupt important work calls for playtime. Which is why she is banished to the kitchen while I work upstairs.

16. MLK Service at National Cathedral in DC. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time and I'm so glad my mom and I did it in January before the shutdown. Also late this year my company announced we'll get MLK day as a paid holiday starting in 2021, hooray!

Celebrating MLK at National Cathedral in DC

15. Temple trip to Philadelphia. One of the last "normal" things I got to do before the pandemic was travel with a few friends to the Philadelphia temple in early 2020. I debated whether or not I would go, because it was a busy time at work and it's a long drive, but in retrospect I am very glad I did - great company and a peaceful place to ponder. I have missed the temple during the pandemic.

Peace. Look forward to returning soon.

14. Trying out new recipes. With more time at home, it was fun to experiment and try new dishes. This sausage pizza from the Washington Post has gotten made a few times (minus the olives, because olives are gross).

Yum!

13. Photo contests. I am rather proud of myself for creating two virtual photo contests with friends and family this year - we even had prizes. It was a fun way to share what we were experiencing during this crazy time, even if we couldn't gather in person.

12. Somewhat Celebrating the Suffrage Centennial. Most of the celebration was virtual, but I did go down and see all the buildings in DC lit up with "suffrage colors" for the anniversary of the passage of the 19th amendment. Also got to attend some super interesting lectures and talks online commemorating the event, and read (or at least start to read) some great books about the persons involved. Very grateful to live in a free country where I have the ability to vote (see item #3 below).

National Archives Building

11. Christmas Cookie "Virtual" cookie exchange. I organized a virtual cookie exchange - people swapped recipes and for those friends who lived nearby I did a "dough delivery" service where people could swap doughs. Then we had a virtual baking event and played some Christmas games. I'm grateful for those friends who have participated in the activities I've organized and for those activities they have organized!

Chocolate crinkles, nutella chocolate chip swirls, peppermint sugar, pecan snowballs, and pumpkin whoopie pies! Get in my belly!

10.  Increasing my "app-itude" - so grateful for the technology that has gotten us through this. Thank you Zoom, Google Meet, Netflix Party, YouTube "Watch2gether" parties, video calls, and so many other things that have made this bearable.

9. Bread baking. One of my 2020 New Year's resolutions was to try one new bread recipe per month. It's one of the few resolutions I've kept, even with the yeast shortages this year because of the pandemic. I won't insert pictures of them all here, but three of my favorites were the cheddar scallion loaf, apple bacon cheddar biscuits, and no-knead oatmeal bread (recipes included at links).

King Arthur's No-Knead Oatmeal Bread was SOOOO good.

8. Discovering cool places close to home, like the Freedman's Cemetery in Alexandria, VA; Hillwood Museum and Gardens and Kenniworth Lotus Gardens in DC; and Harper's Ferry/Antietam/Gettysburg. There were plenty of opportunities to do "day trips" to cool outdoor locations that I normally wouldn't explore because I would be traveling farther away.

Frolicked in a field of sunflowers

Visited Hillwood Estate/Gardens with Friends

Freedmens' Cemetery in Alexandria on a beautiful day.

7. Reading a whole bunch of books! As a member of (ostensibly) 4 book clubs, I had lots of opportunities and time for free reading this year. According to Goodreads, I read over 16,000 pages and I'm hoping to hit 50 titles by the end of the year (which is about twice what I read in a normal year). Maybe I'll do a separate post rating all the books, but the "fun" highlight was re-reading the *all* the Miss Marple novels this year.

6. Serving in the church. This year I've gotten to work with the young women at church ages 12-13. They are a really fun bunch! We've done lots of virtual activities (Zoom pictionary, Virtual coloring event, sharing our favorite YouTube clips, "Among Us" game night, and more), a socially distanced movie night, and an outdoor Christmas MadLibs game. With a new church responsibility coming my way in the new year, I appreciate having this opportunity to get to know them. They are going to do amazing and wonderful things.

Outdoor (socially distant) movie night at the church!

For one of our virtual activities, we dropped off mug cakes for everyone so we could make and eat our treats "together."

5. Friend get togethers. We've done socially distanced backyard chats, park birthday parties, July 4th BBQs, ice cream/cookie "dates," and a memorable goodbye party at Iwo Jima - all socially distant/masked. I am grateful for good friends.

 Blueberry Raspberry Bars for our 4th of July Socially Distant Backyard BBQ

4. Lots (and lots) of doggie snuggles. Still very grateful to have a dog, and that she has kindly become a more of a cuddle bug this year for my sake.

Looking mighty fine after her recent haircut!

3. Biden won the election!!!! Seriously, looking forward to having a non-crazy man as president. This year I also got to serve as an election worker, which was an interesting experience (not sure if I want to do it again, but it was interesting!).

My homemade "Bye Don" sign for October 2020.

I was working on the Saturday they called the election, but I did switch on Fox News to watch them call it for Biden, it felt good.

2. Week-long getaway to Asheville, North Carolina with my parents. Travel opportunities were very limited, and social interaction was too, so it was nice to get away with my dear parents (and two dogs - theirs and mine) for some time in the woods of North Carolina.

Hiking to Crabtree Falls near Asheville, NC.

1. VACCINE IS ON ITS WAY! So grateful for the scientists who have made multiple vaccines happen in a very fast way. Yay, science! The best news about this year is that it's almost over, and that next year will hopefully bring an end to the pandemic, lockdowns, and mass deaths.

There are several trees in my neighborhood which have "faces" all year round - this year someone cheekily decorated one of them with a mask. But don't worry, Mr. Tree, the vaccine will soon be here!

I hope you managed to find some joy in 2020 - wishing you a very happy 2021 with more of the people and places you love!

New Year's Eve last year - it only looks like I'm giving 2020 the "finger" but if I had known what was ahead, I might have given this year the finger in reality.