One of my friends posted a thing to Facebook today about which U.S. President would win in a knife fight (Teddy Roosevelt was the article's answer). I've recently been reading "Bully Pulpit" about Teddy and Bill Taft. I have to say I do love Teddy, but I'm surprised how much I really like Taft. I can't say I remember much about him from history class, but he seems like a fundamentally decent guy, who was well liked by everybody. So I think Taft would talk everyone down from the knife fight, and build bridges of understanding through his genial temperament. I wish we could bottle that and give it to today's politicians!
Monday, February 17, 2014
Monday, February 10, 2014
Today's the Day
Recently, my favorite satirical newspaper, The Onion, had an article titled "Today The Day They Find Out You're a Fraud." Around the same time, my friend made a comment that struck me - she said I appeared very confident. The comment struck me particularly because that day I had felt particularly UN-confident and incapable of doing anything right. In fact, I had felt that at any moment people would discover what a fraud and sham I was.
This correlates with a passage in Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In," where she describes a talk she heard while in college. The speaker stated that "...many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can't seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for they really are - impostors with limited skills or abilities."
Sandberg describes her feelings: "every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself. Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn't embarrass myself-or even excelled-I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again. One day the jig would be up."
I lack confidence, and totally identify with Sandberg's experience. But it also reminds me of what "confidence" is, which I learned by reading "This is How" by Augusten Burroughs. He states that "if you want to be more confident, you do not need to add anything to your personality or skill level. In fact, you already have too much of something. Because confidence is not the presence of anything at all. Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking...Confidence is not something you feel or possess; it's something others use to describe what they see when the look at you" (This is How, pages 63-64).
That description was a revelation to me - confidence is about not worrying what people think. I have a really hard time doing that, because I want to be the person that everyone thinks well of. Sometimes I think I want to be thought of as X (generous, kind, loving, cheerful, etc.) more than I actually want to BE X. The problem with that is that I waste so much time and energy worrying about what other people think instead of actually developing X qualities. I need to STOP IT.
A scene from a Julia Roberts movie illustrates this. She's an indecisive bride who likes her eggs the way that the other people around her like them. It's emblematic of her lack of knowledge of what she wants.
This correlates with a passage in Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In," where she describes a talk she heard while in college. The speaker stated that "...many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can't seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for they really are - impostors with limited skills or abilities."
Sandberg describes her feelings: "every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself. Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn't embarrass myself-or even excelled-I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again. One day the jig would be up."
I lack confidence, and totally identify with Sandberg's experience. But it also reminds me of what "confidence" is, which I learned by reading "This is How" by Augusten Burroughs. He states that "if you want to be more confident, you do not need to add anything to your personality or skill level. In fact, you already have too much of something. Because confidence is not the presence of anything at all. Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking...Confidence is not something you feel or possess; it's something others use to describe what they see when the look at you" (This is How, pages 63-64).
That description was a revelation to me - confidence is about not worrying what people think. I have a really hard time doing that, because I want to be the person that everyone thinks well of. Sometimes I think I want to be thought of as X (generous, kind, loving, cheerful, etc.) more than I actually want to BE X. The problem with that is that I waste so much time and energy worrying about what other people think instead of actually developing X qualities. I need to STOP IT.
A scene from a Julia Roberts movie illustrates this. She's an indecisive bride who likes her eggs the way that the other people around her like them. It's emblematic of her lack of knowledge of what she wants.
From "Runaway Bride," With Richard Gere and Julia Roberts
So, get out there and decide what kind of eggs you want! Don't worry about people thinking you're a fraud, because that's just a waste of worry.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Expounding and Exhorting
Note: January has apparently been the month for me to take a break from any New Year's resolutions or re-commitment to blogging...I'm going to try to start blogging every Monday again.
At my last work training event, part of the first day was devoted to a large group meeting of everyone in my practice group in my firm - hundreds of people. The first part of this meeting was the leader of my group talking about financial metrics. He then turned in over to one of his colleagues in the leadership group to lead a discussion of some tax technical issues. She brought two other tax partners up on stage and they had a discussion about these issues and the services our firm provides related to the issues.
Not really a remarkable discussion, except for the fact that all three participants in the conversation were women. On the flight to training, I had started reading "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg, and so I noticed this particular moment and marked it in my mind. These women were articulate, poised, and confident. I don't know all of them, but the woman leading the discussion has a few happy, well-adjusted children, whom I've met, as she works in an office near mine. Later on, this same woman would field some very demanding questions knowledgeably, and she held her ground under some tough demands by men in the audience who perhaps had more years in the firm (she was right, by the way).
I don't share this because I was surprised that women could be articulate, rather I was reminded of some of the things I learned while reading Sandberg's "Lean In." Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this meeting was that it wasn't remarkable to the people in the room. Afterwards, no one was saying, "gosh, why did they let three women lead a meeting?" No one else seemed to notice (or care) that three women in leadership were teaching a group of men and women. It wasn't unusual or abnormal to listen to women in positions of authority. One of my favorite Sandberg quotes was: "In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders."
As a lifelong church member, I've attended many meetings in church, and it's very, very rare to see a similar meeting where women are "in charge" of a group of both men and women. Women lead Relief Society and Primary meetings, but those organizations are made up primarily of women and children (some male Primary teachers, I grant you). There have been recent attempts by the church to integrate women into the decision making structure of the church (training on effective use of councils including women voices, sister missionary leaders), but for the most part, women do not play a large part in leadership in the church. This is evident by the graph below, which was put together based on the Church's 2013 General Conference (put together by the good folks at By Common Consent, a Mormon blog).
I had never thought about it, but there is a higher percentage of male speakers at the women's meeting of General Conference than there is of female participation in the General sessions of conference. Something that some men have talked about in recent General Conference talks is how wonderful women are (see here and here for recent examples). This idea holds that women are unique, with individual gifts of the spirit and a different role than men. This is troubling to me for two contradictory reasons.
First, if it is true, then why would we not want to have more women in leadership/speaking/teaching positions in the church? If we women, as a group, truly do have unique insights or talents, why would you use only 50% of the talent given to the church? If women ARE all that you say we are, wouldn't it be helpful to hear from them more often? Wouldn't men benefit from being taught by this group of people?
Two, what if it isn't true? What if women and men don't really have demonstrable differences in our characters? In my opinion it leads to the same conclusion as the first point - why would we limit ourselves to only men teachers/leaders? It seems an unfair burden to the men and a lack of opportunity for women.
Dear reader(s), don't interpret this as a jab at men. I have known many wonderful male leaders in the church, who have inspired me by word and example. However, I have likewise known many capable and wonderful women who have the ability to inspire and teach, but have done so in smaller venues. I simply feel that women and men would be blessed by hearing these inspiring women.
I'll close with a scripture that flies in the face of Paul's advice to "let your women keep silence in the churches..." (1 Corinthians 14:34). Emma Smith was told: "And thou shalt be ordained under [Joseph's] hand to expound scriptures, and to exhort the church, according as it shall be given thee by my Spirit." (D&C 25:7). Lest you think this a role only for a prophet's wife, the Lord reminds us "and verily, verily, I say unto you, that this is my voice unto all..." (D&C 25:16). Expounding scriptures and exhorting the entire church sounds like a role for women I can get behind.
Let's hear it for thegirls ladies sisters! I hope to share some more insights from "Lean In" in the coming months - I really enjoyed that book.
At my last work training event, part of the first day was devoted to a large group meeting of everyone in my practice group in my firm - hundreds of people. The first part of this meeting was the leader of my group talking about financial metrics. He then turned in over to one of his colleagues in the leadership group to lead a discussion of some tax technical issues. She brought two other tax partners up on stage and they had a discussion about these issues and the services our firm provides related to the issues.
Not really a remarkable discussion, except for the fact that all three participants in the conversation were women. On the flight to training, I had started reading "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg, and so I noticed this particular moment and marked it in my mind. These women were articulate, poised, and confident. I don't know all of them, but the woman leading the discussion has a few happy, well-adjusted children, whom I've met, as she works in an office near mine. Later on, this same woman would field some very demanding questions knowledgeably, and she held her ground under some tough demands by men in the audience who perhaps had more years in the firm (she was right, by the way).
I don't share this because I was surprised that women could be articulate, rather I was reminded of some of the things I learned while reading Sandberg's "Lean In." Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this meeting was that it wasn't remarkable to the people in the room. Afterwards, no one was saying, "gosh, why did they let three women lead a meeting?" No one else seemed to notice (or care) that three women in leadership were teaching a group of men and women. It wasn't unusual or abnormal to listen to women in positions of authority. One of my favorite Sandberg quotes was: "In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders."
As a lifelong church member, I've attended many meetings in church, and it's very, very rare to see a similar meeting where women are "in charge" of a group of both men and women. Women lead Relief Society and Primary meetings, but those organizations are made up primarily of women and children (some male Primary teachers, I grant you). There have been recent attempts by the church to integrate women into the decision making structure of the church (training on effective use of councils including women voices, sister missionary leaders), but for the most part, women do not play a large part in leadership in the church. This is evident by the graph below, which was put together based on the Church's 2013 General Conference (put together by the good folks at By Common Consent, a Mormon blog).
First, if it is true, then why would we not want to have more women in leadership/speaking/teaching positions in the church? If we women, as a group, truly do have unique insights or talents, why would you use only 50% of the talent given to the church? If women ARE all that you say we are, wouldn't it be helpful to hear from them more often? Wouldn't men benefit from being taught by this group of people?
Two, what if it isn't true? What if women and men don't really have demonstrable differences in our characters? In my opinion it leads to the same conclusion as the first point - why would we limit ourselves to only men teachers/leaders? It seems an unfair burden to the men and a lack of opportunity for women.
Dear reader(s), don't interpret this as a jab at men. I have known many wonderful male leaders in the church, who have inspired me by word and example. However, I have likewise known many capable and wonderful women who have the ability to inspire and teach, but have done so in smaller venues. I simply feel that women and men would be blessed by hearing these inspiring women.
I'll close with a scripture that flies in the face of Paul's advice to "let your women keep silence in the churches..." (1 Corinthians 14:34). Emma Smith was told: "And thou shalt be ordained under [Joseph's] hand to expound scriptures, and to exhort the church, according as it shall be given thee by my Spirit." (D&C 25:7). Lest you think this a role only for a prophet's wife, the Lord reminds us "and verily, verily, I say unto you, that this is my voice unto all..." (D&C 25:16). Expounding scriptures and exhorting the entire church sounds like a role for women I can get behind.
Let's hear it for the
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
A Year in Review
Remember the good old days of 2013? Neither do I. It's been a whirlwind year, as witnessed by the fact that I still haven't posted any pictures of my Ireland trip. Maybe I'll finally be able to get up a post about that in 2014. However, I wanted to end the year by reporting on my New Year's resolution from January. My one resolution for the year was to Be Happy.
Yesterday while cleaning out my room I found my list of "What Makes Me Happy?" and "What Makes Me Unhappy?" I've been successful in increasing some of the stuff from the happy list, but haven't made much headway in removing or mitigating some of the unhappy influences. On the list, I wrote the following at the bottom (I was so wise in January, what happened?): "Overarching question: What does God want me to do?"
In May, I got a new calling* in church. It's something that I would never have volunteered for, and I remain convinced that I'm pretty terrible at it, even after more than half a year of practice. But as I think about it (and pray about it), I realize it's what God wants me to do. That seems really simplistic, but it doesn't make the calling any easier, or does it help me on a practical level know what to do with the calling.
Sometimes we know the "big picture" of what God wants us to do, but he doesn't give us every stepping stone along the way. Like "being happy" we may get a broad theme but the daily decisions are left up to us. This can be incredibly frustrating or incredibly liberating. I tend to find it the former, but the decisions we make hopefully help us grow into better, kinder people. I keep waiting for the "Calling Fairy" to come tap me on the shoulder and fill me with knowledge of how to serve. It hasn't happened yet, so I keep "muddling through." As I think about goals for 2014, I'm stumped. I still want to be happy, of course, but I feel like that goal was too broad and vague for a full year.
Reading this post at the Mormon blog "By Common Consent" really touched me, especially #2 of the five goals. I think the author is right about home and visiting teaching.** I think it's key to ministering and loving others. So maybe my goal for 2014 will be to be a good visiting teacher. It's a simple, somewhat measurable goal, and I think serving others really does bring me joy. So, I'll give it a shot. More to come on some other 2014 goals in future posts.
In the meantime, what are you doing tonight to celebrate the New Year?
*"Calling" is Mormonspeak for a church responsibility - teaching, administering, or serving in any church capacity, because the Mormon church is run by volunteers at the local and regional level
**Home and visiting teaching are programs of the Mormon church whereby you are assigned to visit people who you may or may not know on a monthly basis. Your job is to serve and love them.
Yesterday while cleaning out my room I found my list of "What Makes Me Happy?" and "What Makes Me Unhappy?" I've been successful in increasing some of the stuff from the happy list, but haven't made much headway in removing or mitigating some of the unhappy influences. On the list, I wrote the following at the bottom (I was so wise in January, what happened?): "Overarching question: What does God want me to do?"
In May, I got a new calling* in church. It's something that I would never have volunteered for, and I remain convinced that I'm pretty terrible at it, even after more than half a year of practice. But as I think about it (and pray about it), I realize it's what God wants me to do. That seems really simplistic, but it doesn't make the calling any easier, or does it help me on a practical level know what to do with the calling.
Sometimes we know the "big picture" of what God wants us to do, but he doesn't give us every stepping stone along the way. Like "being happy" we may get a broad theme but the daily decisions are left up to us. This can be incredibly frustrating or incredibly liberating. I tend to find it the former, but the decisions we make hopefully help us grow into better, kinder people. I keep waiting for the "Calling Fairy" to come tap me on the shoulder and fill me with knowledge of how to serve. It hasn't happened yet, so I keep "muddling through." As I think about goals for 2014, I'm stumped. I still want to be happy, of course, but I feel like that goal was too broad and vague for a full year.
Reading this post at the Mormon blog "By Common Consent" really touched me, especially #2 of the five goals. I think the author is right about home and visiting teaching.** I think it's key to ministering and loving others. So maybe my goal for 2014 will be to be a good visiting teacher. It's a simple, somewhat measurable goal, and I think serving others really does bring me joy. So, I'll give it a shot. More to come on some other 2014 goals in future posts.
In the meantime, what are you doing tonight to celebrate the New Year?
"What are you doing New Year's Eve?" Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Leavitt
*"Calling" is Mormonspeak for a church responsibility - teaching, administering, or serving in any church capacity, because the Mormon church is run by volunteers at the local and regional level
**Home and visiting teaching are programs of the Mormon church whereby you are assigned to visit people who you may or may not know on a monthly basis. Your job is to serve and love them.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Most WonderFULL Time of the Year
Last night after wrapping what I thought was my final present (whoops...missed one), I realized I hadn't set out my full manger scene. At that point, it was past midnight so it was technically Christmas Eve. "What a perfect metaphor for my life," I thought, "I've forgotten the true meaning of Christmas amidst all the trappings of the season." I got out the pieces, and assembled them on my dresser. I like this particular manger set only because I've had it for a long time (15 years at least). The figures are all children, which is cute. It's a cheap ceramic set but I love it.
This Christmas has been a busy one for a lot of reasons, and I've felt a lot of guilt about forgetting the most important things. December has been FULL to the brim and I have felt pretty sleep deprived. I lurch from one thing to the next and haven't really been good about prioritizing. However, this month I've also had some really wonderful experiences. Because most of these revolve around music, I can share some of these experiences with you.
Of the 107,000 videos of this Mormon message on YouTube, I think I've caused half of them. It's been my sanity check to remind me to give my heart to service - to NOTICE others who need help and to actually act on it. FYI, at the end of the song there's an opportunity to download a free copy.
"What Shall We Give?" Mormon Tabernacle Choir
My church Christmas program featured this lovely "Poverty Carol," which has beautiful lyrics you can read here. The phrase "come all men who stumble" really struck me.
"Poverty Carol," Palos Verdes High School Chamber Choir
My dad also sang this peppy carol in a quartet in church, I loved it:
"Glad Noel," Lorna Linda Jr. High Choir
I discovered Francesca Battistelli's Christmas album, which I like.
"Heaven Everywhere," Francesca Battistelli
"Christmas Is," Francesca Battistelli
Ballet at Christmastime means the Nutcracker, and thanks to work, I got to see a fantastic version this year (not the one linked below, but still great).
"Russian Dance" from the Nutcracker, Performed by the Mariinsky Ballet
The capstone experience was going to a Messiah sing-a-long and being surrounded by people singing those beautiful words. I don't think I had ever focused so much on the words when I listened to Handel's Messiah, but there are some beautiful scriptures which make up the text of that piece. I especially loved singing the names of Christ: "Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father."
"Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's Messiah, Sung by the Harlem Gospel Choir
As I was rushing around today on last errands, I saw a beautiful sunset. It reminded me of the lyrics to a non-Christmas song, Amazing Grace. "Oh it is wonderful, that he should care for me, enough to die for me, O it is wonderful, wonderful to me." It is indeed a wonderful time of year to remember the Saviour, and all he has done for us. It's a time that can remind us of our inadequacies (we can never quite do EVERYTHING we plan to do), but can also fill us with wonder at the glory and mercy of God.
"Amazing Grace," Soweto Gospel Choir
This Christmas has been a busy one for a lot of reasons, and I've felt a lot of guilt about forgetting the most important things. December has been FULL to the brim and I have felt pretty sleep deprived. I lurch from one thing to the next and haven't really been good about prioritizing. However, this month I've also had some really wonderful experiences. Because most of these revolve around music, I can share some of these experiences with you.
Of the 107,000 videos of this Mormon message on YouTube, I think I've caused half of them. It's been my sanity check to remind me to give my heart to service - to NOTICE others who need help and to actually act on it. FYI, at the end of the song there's an opportunity to download a free copy.
"What Shall We Give?" Mormon Tabernacle Choir
My church Christmas program featured this lovely "Poverty Carol," which has beautiful lyrics you can read here. The phrase "come all men who stumble" really struck me.
"Poverty Carol," Palos Verdes High School Chamber Choir
My dad also sang this peppy carol in a quartet in church, I loved it:
"Glad Noel," Lorna Linda Jr. High Choir
I discovered Francesca Battistelli's Christmas album, which I like.
"Heaven Everywhere," Francesca Battistelli
"Christmas Is," Francesca Battistelli
Ballet at Christmastime means the Nutcracker, and thanks to work, I got to see a fantastic version this year (not the one linked below, but still great).
"Russian Dance" from the Nutcracker, Performed by the Mariinsky Ballet
The capstone experience was going to a Messiah sing-a-long and being surrounded by people singing those beautiful words. I don't think I had ever focused so much on the words when I listened to Handel's Messiah, but there are some beautiful scriptures which make up the text of that piece. I especially loved singing the names of Christ: "Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father."
"Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's Messiah, Sung by the Harlem Gospel Choir
As I was rushing around today on last errands, I saw a beautiful sunset. It reminded me of the lyrics to a non-Christmas song, Amazing Grace. "Oh it is wonderful, that he should care for me, enough to die for me, O it is wonderful, wonderful to me." It is indeed a wonderful time of year to remember the Saviour, and all he has done for us. It's a time that can remind us of our inadequacies (we can never quite do EVERYTHING we plan to do), but can also fill us with wonder at the glory and mercy of God.
"Amazing Grace," Soweto Gospel Choir
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Feminism and Femi Nazism
Note: I started this first paragraph long ago, and I can't remember what the original point of the post was going to be, but I made the ending up!
On one of the many standardized tests I took in school, I remember the informational section asked you to list your parents' educational attainments. For my father, it was easy, I knew he had completed law school, so I carefully filled in the bubble next to "post-graduate degree" with my No. 2 pencil. For my mother, however, I paused, hovering over the pre-printed circles. I know she graduated college, I thought to myself, but did she have a post-graduate degree? Unsure, I filled in "college degree" and resolved to ask her when I got home. When I did, I discovered that my mom does indeed have a Masters degree in education.
Society still seems to value the important work of motherhood less than other occupations. You don't get social security credit for raising children, or really any of the societal status that comes with working "outside the home." My mom is a smart woman who I'm sure could have been a great teacher, school superintendent, or anything else she really wanted to be. I was lucky that she choose towaste spend her time with me instead.
I'm all about supporting women who make the choice to be moms. It's a really tough job, and I admire so many of my friends who make that sacrifice (though I don't know if they would term it a sacrifice, and I don't mean anything derogatory by use of that term). But the important thing to note about this is that it's a choice. Some women who do have children work outside the home. Whether it's out of economic necessity or their own volition, working women don't love their children any less. I work with some pretty amazing women who have chosen to be moms and accountants, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I don't think I've said anything above that hasn't been said before (and better) by others, but the point I want to underscore here is that both stay-at-home moms and working moms are really feminists. Feminism is about making choices and owning those choices - it's about giving women every opportunity to grow and develop in whatever path they choose. Feminism says that if a woman can run a household, she can run a country, and vice versa. There are trade-offs and opportunity costs that come with each road, but feminism is about giving women more roads than one.
Just a side note about one of the worst straw-man arguments against feminism. Feminism is not some kind of femi-nazi cult requiring all women to "be like men" or even to be the same. Feminism is about unlocking the potential greatness of 50% of the world's population, recognizing the talent and abilities of each women, and removing the conscious and unconscious roadblocks to success that hinder the progression of women (and, by extension, hinder the progression of men too!). I'm lucky that my college educated mother read to us, cooked for us, and generally put up with us in the house for 18+ years. I'm grateful she was also a feminist who taught me to think for myself.
I'll end with a clip from the movie "Mona Lisa Smiles" about choosing a "traditional" woman's role.
Scene from "Mona Lisa Smiles," - Julia Roberts and Julia Stiles "You told me I could be anything I wanted"
On one of the many standardized tests I took in school, I remember the informational section asked you to list your parents' educational attainments. For my father, it was easy, I knew he had completed law school, so I carefully filled in the bubble next to "post-graduate degree" with my No. 2 pencil. For my mother, however, I paused, hovering over the pre-printed circles. I know she graduated college, I thought to myself, but did she have a post-graduate degree? Unsure, I filled in "college degree" and resolved to ask her when I got home. When I did, I discovered that my mom does indeed have a Masters degree in education.
Society still seems to value the important work of motherhood less than other occupations. You don't get social security credit for raising children, or really any of the societal status that comes with working "outside the home." My mom is a smart woman who I'm sure could have been a great teacher, school superintendent, or anything else she really wanted to be. I was lucky that she choose to
I'm all about supporting women who make the choice to be moms. It's a really tough job, and I admire so many of my friends who make that sacrifice (though I don't know if they would term it a sacrifice, and I don't mean anything derogatory by use of that term). But the important thing to note about this is that it's a choice. Some women who do have children work outside the home. Whether it's out of economic necessity or their own volition, working women don't love their children any less. I work with some pretty amazing women who have chosen to be moms and accountants, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I don't think I've said anything above that hasn't been said before (and better) by others, but the point I want to underscore here is that both stay-at-home moms and working moms are really feminists. Feminism is about making choices and owning those choices - it's about giving women every opportunity to grow and develop in whatever path they choose. Feminism says that if a woman can run a household, she can run a country, and vice versa. There are trade-offs and opportunity costs that come with each road, but feminism is about giving women more roads than one.
Just a side note about one of the worst straw-man arguments against feminism. Feminism is not some kind of femi-nazi cult requiring all women to "be like men" or even to be the same. Feminism is about unlocking the potential greatness of 50% of the world's population, recognizing the talent and abilities of each women, and removing the conscious and unconscious roadblocks to success that hinder the progression of women (and, by extension, hinder the progression of men too!). I'm lucky that my college educated mother read to us, cooked for us, and generally put up with us in the house for 18+ years. I'm grateful she was also a feminist who taught me to think for myself.
I'll end with a clip from the movie "Mona Lisa Smiles" about choosing a "traditional" woman's role.
Scene from "Mona Lisa Smiles," - Julia Roberts and Julia Stiles "You told me I could be anything I wanted"
Friday, November 29, 2013
(Em)pathetic
3 things have recently gotten me thinking about empathy:
1) Nick Kristof's recent column on the demise of empathy. ( http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/11/28/opinion/kristof-where-is-the-love.html?smid=tw-share)
2) A column in the Huffington Post about the hopelessness of being poor in America. (http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4326233)
3) News story about a Mormon bishop who dressed as a homeless man. (http://www.npr.org/2013/11/29/247825783/costumed-as-homeless-mormon-bishop-teaches-a-lesson-in-compassion?ft=1&f=1001&utm_content=socialflow&utm_campaign=nprnews&utm_source=npr&utm_medium=twitter)
These three stories have reminded me that empathy, or seeing ourselves in another's shoes, is fundamentally important in both religion and politics. Religion brings together people with different experiences. Politics often forces us to face people who disagree with us. In both situations, we need the humility born of empathy to see others and understand them.
King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon teaches a powerful lesson about empathy for the poor:
Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just
But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.
For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?
This scripture reminds me that I too am a beggar, and need to treat others who find themselves in difficult circumstances as I would want to be treated. We may disagree on steps to help the poor, but I hope we can do so while agreeing on measures to assist those who live without hope. I believe food stamps and other social safety next programs are vitally important to children and other innocent victims of poverty.
Apologies for the terrible links in this post, my internet isn't working this evening, so I had to resort to an app to post from my phone. Hope they work!
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