A Bit 'o Random Musings on Politics, Religion, and Anything Else That Passes Through My Crazy Head

Monday, April 14, 2014

Happy Tax Day!

Someday I will write an entire musical about tax accounting. It will be epic. For now, here is the opening song of my future glory, sung to the tune of "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof. I've even added some of the dialogue which is in italics.  First you should listen to the real thing:

A tax code that has 3.8 million words. Sounds crazy, no? But in our little country of America, everyone of us must file a tax return, (hopefully) without getting an IRS audit. You may ask, how do we keep our sanity, if it's so complicated?  That I can tell you in one word - EXTENSION!

Extension! Extension! Extension!
Extension! Extension! Extension!

Because of our extensions, we've kept our sanity
For many many tax busy seasons.
Here in the U.S., we have extensions for everything
Partnerships, Corporations, Individuals.
For instance, we always extend, if the GAAP audit isn't finished,
Or simply if we are too lazy to find our receipts.
This shows our constant devotion to patriotism.
You may ask, how did these extensions get started?
I'll tell you. I don't know.
And because of our extensions, everyone of us knows how long we have, 
But has no clue what the IRS expects us to do.

Who day and night must scramble for the info,
Forget other responsiblities, have the daily calls?
And who has the right as the payer of the bills
To have the final say on the return?
The client! The client! Extension!
The client! The client! Extension!

Who must know the way to complete the return?
A correct return, a complete return?
Who must complete the workpapers and fill the forms?
So the client's free to not read the IRC?*
CPA Firm! CPA Firm! Extension!
CPA Firm! CPA Firm! Extension!

At 8 (a.m.), I started reading cases, at 10 (p.m.) I learned the regs,
I hear they've picked a client for me, I hope it's easy!
The manager! The manager! Extension!
The manager! The manager! Extension!

And who does manager teach? To enter, add, and calculate?
Preparing me to understand even the tax rate?
The staff! The staff! Extension!
The staff! The staff! Extension!

The client! CPA Firm! Manager! Staff! Extension!

And in the circle of our little country, we've always had our special types. For instance, confused and desperate taxpayers, IRS Tax Auditors, and most importantly, our beloved taxpayer service hotline.

Taxpayer: IRS, may I ask you a question?
IRS Customer Service Representative: Certainly, my citizen.
Taxpayer: Is there a proper way to evade taxes?
IRS Customer Service Representative: A proper way to evade taxes?  Of course! Be unemployed, have no salary, and thus no taxable income!

Then there are the others in our country. They have a much bigger influence. His honor, the tax court judge. Her honor, the taxwriting committee congresswoman. Her honor, the K Street lobbyist. His honor, the 1% who contribute to vast sums to elections. His honor, many many others... We don't bother them, and so far, they don't notice us. And among ourselves, we always understand tax code perfectly well. Of course, there was that one time, we argued about who had to file the return last year, but it's all settled now, and now we don't argue about it any more.

Wife: I mailed it in, on April 14th!
Husband: I e-filed it, on April 15th!
Wife: MAIL!
Husband: E-FILE!

Extensions! Extensions! Extensions!
Extensions! Extensions! Extensions!

Extensions, Extensions - without our extensions, our lives would be as crazy confusing, as a 3.8 million word tax code!

So, who's willing to bankroll my Broadway career as the next Rogers & Hammerstein?

*Internal Revenue Code

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