Yesterday as I was contemplating the emotional minefield that is Mother's Day, a thought came to me: "Mother's Day is not about YOU." There's a lot of truth to that, in more ways than one.
First, Mother's Day is about my mom - she is phenomenal! She made the choice to spend her time raising four kids as a full time job, and did great (despite the way I turned out...LOL). Not everyone had a wonderful mother, and some people have mothers who have passed away. I'm so lucky that I have a loving mom, she lives only 20 minutes away, and we have a good relationship.
Second, Mother's Day is about all Mothers (duh). That includes mothers who adopted, mothers who don't have good relationships with their children, mothers who miscarried, mothers who work outside the home (and those who don't!), stepmothers, and mothers in all shapes and sizes. My friends who are mothers are such examples to me. They deserve recognition for the difficult task that is motherhood - it's a lifelong journey that shapes the destinies of all humanity. We should honor them all the time, but it's nice that they have a special day to be celebrated. Motherhood is important and valuable and HARD, and we should all recognize and support the moms in our lives.
Third, (and I can't emphasize this enough), I AM NOT A MOTHER. Church talks and well-meaning people sometimes want to say that "all women are mothers (or future mothers)." In some ways, I like and respect that thought - I appreciate that Eve was "the mother of all living" before she had children, and Deborah was a "Mother in Israel" because she led a nation. But, taken too far, this line of reasoning can conflate motherhood with womanhood. Motherhood is important and difficult work and if we water it down, it loses its meaning.
For example, I love the kids in my Primary class. I want what's best for them, and enjoy spending time with them. But, if my relationship with them is the same as their mothers', then they have a very superficial relationship with their children!
Motherhood is not equal to Womanhood. I think we do a disservice to both when we confuse the two. I know that some women without children do enjoy this aspect of Mother's Day, and I know that no one can win when writing a Mother's Day talk for church. But for me, Mother's Day works better when we focus on actual mothers and don't confuse "being around children" with mothering said children. It's easy for me to wallow in self-pity, but that shouldn't be an excuse to change the meaning of a day meant to celebrate mothers.
TL;DR version by a Twitter user:
I don’t want to be told Happy Mother’s Day today because I am not a mother, have intrinsic value outside of being a mother and I think we should celebrate the unique sacrifices Mothers make. THAT BEING SAID I wouldn’t say no to chocolate that just happened to show up at church
First, Mother's Day is about my mom - she is phenomenal! She made the choice to spend her time raising four kids as a full time job, and did great (despite the way I turned out...LOL). Not everyone had a wonderful mother, and some people have mothers who have passed away. I'm so lucky that I have a loving mom, she lives only 20 minutes away, and we have a good relationship.
Second, Mother's Day is about all Mothers (duh). That includes mothers who adopted, mothers who don't have good relationships with their children, mothers who miscarried, mothers who work outside the home (and those who don't!), stepmothers, and mothers in all shapes and sizes. My friends who are mothers are such examples to me. They deserve recognition for the difficult task that is motherhood - it's a lifelong journey that shapes the destinies of all humanity. We should honor them all the time, but it's nice that they have a special day to be celebrated. Motherhood is important and valuable and HARD, and we should all recognize and support the moms in our lives.
Third, (and I can't emphasize this enough), I AM NOT A MOTHER. Church talks and well-meaning people sometimes want to say that "all women are mothers (or future mothers)." In some ways, I like and respect that thought - I appreciate that Eve was "the mother of all living" before she had children, and Deborah was a "Mother in Israel" because she led a nation. But, taken too far, this line of reasoning can conflate motherhood with womanhood. Motherhood is important and difficult work and if we water it down, it loses its meaning.
For example, I love the kids in my Primary class. I want what's best for them, and enjoy spending time with them. But, if my relationship with them is the same as their mothers', then they have a very superficial relationship with their children!
Motherhood is not equal to Womanhood. I think we do a disservice to both when we confuse the two. I know that some women without children do enjoy this aspect of Mother's Day, and I know that no one can win when writing a Mother's Day talk for church. But for me, Mother's Day works better when we focus on actual mothers and don't confuse "being around children" with mothering said children. It's easy for me to wallow in self-pity, but that shouldn't be an excuse to change the meaning of a day meant to celebrate mothers.
TL;DR version by a Twitter user:
I don’t want to be told Happy Mother’s Day today because I am not a mother, have intrinsic value outside of being a mother and I think we should celebrate the unique sacrifices Mothers make. THAT BEING SAID I wouldn’t say no to chocolate that just happened to show up at church
I haven't been on your blog in a while and I was just catching up. Such good stuff. SUCH GOOD STUFF. FYI I made a conscious decision, years ago to pay attention to your stuff on social media and comment occasionally so that we would have a distant but real connection so that someday when we live nearby we can hang out at it won't be weird. YOu think a lot of cool things.
ReplyDeleteAnna, I'm honored that you think my thoughts worth reading and that we could be friends! Move home so we can make it happen!
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