All that being said, I hit a wall. Some of it is COVID, but some of it is working for 12+ years at a demanding job with long hours. So, I really need this right now in my life, and maybe that makes me weak - but each of us has moments of weakness, and it's okay to not be okay sometimes.
As I've thought about what I want to accomplish during this sabbatical, I've realized that there are literally hundreds of things I *could* do - lots of little tasks I never seem to find time for. I'm making a list of those, and my goal is to do one of those things per day. Even little things like cleaning/organizing the linen closet will at least make me feel like I am not wasting this time. It would be easy to let this time slip by in reading/watching TV (though I will no doubt also be doing plenty of that), but it would be a waste to let that be ALL I do with this once in a lifetime opportunity. At the same time, I want to be kind with myself, and realize that not everything on the list may get done, and that is okay.
With goals and new year's resolutions, I've learned that the simplest goals are the best. I've also learned that I can only do a few goals at a time. Thus, I have three incontrovertible rules that I'm going to stick to during my sabbatical. I don't know if I'll share all of them here, as they are personal, but one of them is to unplug from time wasting apps on my phone. So, over the weekend, I deleted Facebook, Instagram, Jewels, Nerts, and Twitter from my phone. You are probably familiar with the social media apps, Jewels and Nerts are the games I play when I'm bored. I'm debating whether to delete the Kindle app (I might do it temporarily until I read all the physical books in my "to read" pile).
Social media has been a double edged sword for me for a long time - I'm grateful to use it to know how my friends are doing, especially the ones who don't live near me. But, all too often it becomes a trigger for jealousy/envy and it also lets me pretend to be a good friend without interacting with people in real life. The games apps have been taking up way too much time and are completely useless.
Other than my "Optional Tasks List" and "Three Incontrovertible Rules," I'm not really setting an agenda for this time. I'm hoping to have fun and not think much about tax accounting. So, it kind of feels like setting off on a journey without a map. The song "Anybody Have a Map?" from the Broadway musical Dear Evan Hansen has been running through my mind.
Even though the song is about parenting challenges, and I'm not a parent, it really speaks to the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. These lyrics stick out to me:
Does anybody have a map?
Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?
I don't know if you can tell
But this is me just pretending to know
So where's the map?
I need a clue
'Cause the scary truth is
I'm flying blind
And I'm making this up as I go
It is a scary truth to acknowledge I'm struggling and not really know how to fix it or where I'll end up. But I'm so lucky to have this time and I'm looking forward to some great trips I have planned, and skipping basically all of my adult responsibilities this summer.
As I will have a lot of "free time" this summer - feel free to share recommendations on:
- Podcasts I should listen to
- Shows/movies I should watch
- Day trips or fun places to visit in the DC area
- Restaurants I should try
- Your favorite complicated recipes I should attempt
- Books I should read (although I have plenty of those already)
Blogging is on the "optional task list" - so you may or may not see more of me in this space this summer. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you via text, phone, or email if you have time to catch-up.
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