Raise The Stakes

Here's the scripture I was thinking about in Church today, even though it had nothing to do with the topics being discussed:

Isaiah 54:2: Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;

Perhaps you have always considered that scripture to be about the geographic reach of the Church. That is certainly how I interpreted it as a missionary in a far-flung area with few church members. To me it has signified that the "tent" of the church increases in size as more physical areas have missionaries/churches/temples. In my mission area there are still cities without missionaries - this is one way that the church "tent" has the potential to increase in size.

But as I thought about it today, the scripture can have another meaning that hadn't occurred to me before today. It was partially inspired by reading this blog post on the Exponent blog. As the author of the post mentions, many members (including me) find it sad when someone leaves the Church. I feel a lot of sympathy with the author - I don't know all her specific reasons for leaving the church, but I am sure it was a wrenching choice, as she describes. 

Yet as I pondered on this author's words, I realized that one reason I was sad was that I feel like the Church will miss the richness of her experience. It's a selfish sadness, but one that I feel whenever I learn someone has left the Church. Even if I'm not in their ward or stake, the Church as a whole will miss out on their insights, wisdom, and experience. 

I wonder if part of "enlarging our church tent" is making room for many different kinds of belief and non-belief. For example, is there a place in the church for those who don't believe the events in the Book of Mormon literally took place on the American continent? How about those who struggle with an all-male church leadership? Or our LGBTQ brothers and sisters who feel like they have to choose between two parts of themselves? I do hope that the tent of gospel love can encompass them all.

Mission: Possible?

I wanted to post about Activity Days Camp, because it was a good time. For those uninitiated, "Activity Days" is the name of my church's activities for girls ages 8-11. For the past year or so, I've been helping to plan these activities. Before we take a break for the summer, we have a day camp for three days, and this year we had an awesome camp!

The theme this year was from Luke 1:37: "For with God, nothing shall be impossible." As we are near DC (and I have Pinterest) this translated to "Mission: Possible" with a "Secret Agent" theme.

Our first day was at the church building all day. For the first activity as the girls were arriving, they got "passports" and got to pick a Secret Agent name from a jar of adjectives/nouns.

Passports, made out of construction paper and "modge podge"

Set up outside the room when the girls arrived

For the record, my code name was the "Gentle Panda" which was pretty hilarious to me for some reason - maybe it's because panda describes my body physique pretty well. I used this blog post for the badges inside the passports, which also had some good ideas for adjectives/nouns for code names. Throughout the day, we had stamps that the girls got in their passports for each of the activities.

Our opening spiritual thought was on faith and we adapted this lesson from MormonActivityDays.com, which has some good lesson and activity ideas. I liked the idea about the apple seeds.

We then split the girls into two groups and switched between two activities - a cooking class and craft class. The cooking class made pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. While the muffins were baking they also did a "secret agent" activity where they had to guess what a fruit was by smelling it (the bowls were covered with tinfoil so they couldn't see what was inside). The craft class got to do two crafts - homemade bath bombs (inside Easter eggs!) and decorating sunglasses with beads/sunflowers/puff balls and hot glue guns. Both activities were lots of fun, and not pictured because I try not to post pictures of other people's children on the internet.

THE SCAVENGER HUNT!
I don't know why, but Primary leadership had asked us to somehow incorporate Family History into the camp, and so I came up with a fun activity (basically a Frankenstein monster of parts of this blog post and this blog post). The girls did a "Scavenger Hunt" with clues all over the church building. At each clue, the girls got another piece of their "puzzle" which was one of these blank puzzles that I had traced a blank family tree on to - each girl had her own puzzle with her name written on the back of all her pieces.

We divided the girls into two teams so they could race and gave each team a "clue box" with helpful resources to solve clues along the way. The clue box included Articles of Faith Cards for each team member, magnifying glasses, invisible ink pens, normal pens, notebooks, small copies of the Children's Songbook, and various decoders mentioned. The girls also got an envelope to collect their puzzle pieces.

Given that we have some very competitive girls, we laid down the following rules BEFORE handing out the clue boxes:
1) The entire team has to stay together (I didn't want the older girls to leave the younger girls behind).
2) Don't go in the Chapel - there are no clues in there (as I knew the girls would be running and yelling, didn't want them to be irreverent in the chapel).
3) Don't disturb the other teams clues (We had a "purple" and "pink" team - they had to leave the other teams clues where they found them...again, our girls are SUPER competitive).
4) Do the clues in order - don't open clues that you may see along the way to your assigned clue.

Here are the stops on the puzzle route:

Clue #1 - Mason Cipher
Both teams received this clue at the beginning as we met in the Relief Society Room. They got a Mason Cipher and a coded message to send them to their next clue (I split the route up so the girls did the clues in different order).

Mason Cipher and Substitution Cipher

Clue #2 - Mirror Image Clue
The team doing the clues in order found their next clue at the High Council Room. This clue was printed in mirror image so they had to go the bathroom to read it, and it sent them to the Bishop's office (idea from this One Creative Mommy blog post, but I didn't use her printout but created my own)

Clue #3
This stretchy word clue (courtesy of this One Creative Mommy blog post) sent them to the fridge in the Kitchen.

Clue #4 - Articles of Faith Fingerprints
This one was entirely my idea (and I'm pretty proud of it) - I made up some "fingerprints" that had the the Articles of Faith in very small type in between the lines of fingerprints. They had to arrange the fingerprints in order and then flip them over to reveal the message sending them to their next location. The message was "It is time to ACT" - this sent them to the stage for their next clue.

Fingerprints Clue!

Clue #5 -  Scytale Cipher
At the stage was a long strip of paper with their next clue - this one was hard for them to figure out, but both teams eventually realized that in their clue box was a paper towel tube, and if they wrapped the strip of paper around it, it sent them to their next destination: the Young Women's room. This was another clue idea from the One Creative Mommy post linked above.

Clue #6 - Article of Faith Recitation
In this room they had to figure out which two Articles of Faith have the same number of words, and then recite them in unison to the Leader we had stationed in this room - she verbally told them where to go next. For the record, Article of Faith #1 and #12 both have 18 words, and Article of Faith #9 and #11 both have 32 words, so there were two possible answers. This clue was a good place to split the teams, but the team doing the clues in order went on to the Primary room next.

Clue #7 - Substitution Clue
In the Primary room the girls were given a sheet with values like "B1" - which corresponded to grids in their substitution cipher (pictured above and part of their clue box). Once decoded, this clue sent them to the foyer (we had to specify which one because there are two in our building).

Clue #8 - Song clue ("Book Cipher")
For this clue, the girls had to use their Children's Songbooks - they were given a series of three numbers (for example, 18-27-4) which referred to the page number (18), word number (27), and letter of the word (4). That series of numbers spelled out their next clue, which took them to the Nursery.

Clue #9 - Circular Cipher
This was a "wheel within a wheel" cipher, where the clue told the girls to align "A" with a certain Article of Faith so they could decode the clue. Once decoded, the clue led to the Gym.

Clue #10 - Books of the Bible Footprints
Construction paper footprints had books of the Bible on them - they had to arrange them in order, then flip them to spell out the next clue. We were kind and gave them a hint to use song # 114 in the Children's Songbook, which has the books of the bible in order. This clue sent them to one of the Primary classrooms.

Clue #11 - Invisible Ink
This clue was a "blank" sheet of paper that had their clue written in invisible ink. In the clue box they had invisible ink pens I got from this spy set on Amazon (our girls loved having their own pens and notebooks). The pens had a light that revealed what was written in invisible ink, which was a message sending them to the next clue. (Again, this was a good place to split the teams - one team which started with clue #7 was sent back to clue #2).

Clue #12
At this point, the girls had 11 pieces of their 12 piece puzzle as they arrived back to the RS room, where we started. I told them to each start assembling their puzzle and pretty soon they all realized there was a piece missing. They were loudly wondering where the final piece could be, as I was whispering "Look at the Hymnbooks." They had to be quiet in order to listen to what I was saying to discover the final puzzle pieces hidden behind the hymbooks. I really liked using this idea to talk about the role of the Holy Ghost in Family History work and how we need to listen to the still small voice, who can show us where to find the missing pieces. It was an idea I stole from this LDS Activity Days blog post.

This scavenger hunt took A LOT of time - the girls probably spent an hour and 15 minutes on the various clues (especially since I planned the clues to go from one side of the building to the other, so they would use up some energy). Unfortunately we didn't have time for the girls to decorate their individual puzzles with their own family tree, but we let them take them home to decorate. It was also A LOT of work to plan and put the puzzles together - major props to my Dad, who came over the night before camp and helped me organize everything, which meant that I only stayed up til midnight instead of 3 a.m.!

After the scavenger hunt we had lunch - the girls brought their own but we had snacks and drinks for them as well. While they were
having lunch, some leaders went over to a hallway and set up this:

SO COOL, AM I RIGHT?!?! This was just red crepe paper (purchased at the dollar store) taped up along one of our hallways. At the end of the "laser maze" was an envelope for each girl which had in stencil: "TOP SECRET MISSION FOR: ______" and then we put each girl's code name (picked at the beginning of the day, you'll recall from above) on the envelope. Inside each envelope was a pack of gum with a label saying "Your Mission is Possible if you CHEWS to accept it" (I am so corny) and a copy of this secret service activity posted at the Fickle Pickle blog. We played secret agent music (this blog post has a good music list, but our girls' favorite was definitely just the Mission Impossible theme) while the girls navigated the laser maze to retrieve their envelopes and filled them out. We even let them do it again once they had completed their worksheet - they liked being timed to see how fast they could do it. This was probably their favorite activity of the day - we let them do it again while waiting for parents to arrive.

We switched between the laser maze and another service activity tying blankets and making cards for sick kids in the hospital.

The day went by so fast we didn't even have time for water games, but we did play one at the end where I had the two teams fill a water pitcher with a sponge (water relay). Their "reward" for winning was that they got to try to dump the water pitcher on me - I wasn't fast enough to outrun them and did get wet, but it was so hot that I didn't mind!

T-Shirts (Purple is my favorite color, can you tell?)

At the end of the day, we distributed their T-shirts and custom drawstring bags with their name of them. For the T-shirts, I used customink.com, it was easy even for graphically-design-challenged-me to design a shirt. For the bags, I used iron-on paper to transfer this message to the bags (be sure to flip the message so that it comes out right ways once ironed on - I did the first one wrong!).  I was surprised how excited they were to get bags with their name on them - this was definitely a big hit, and they used them for the other days of camp, which made it easy to identify everyone's belongings.

Drawstring Bags (I'm covering up the name...again, don't want to share personal info on the internet)

Day 1 was the most labor intensive - our other days were as follows, in case you're interested:
- Day 2: Indoor ropes course/trampoline park. While this was pricey, it was a lot of fun (we did it last year and the girls all wanted to go again). After a picnic at a local park, we did "paint your own pottery" at a local store, which the girls also enjoyed.
- Day 3: Butterfly Pavilion at the Natural History Museum in DC (the girls LOVED the Metro ride - we had a train to ourselves on the way back and they had A BALL). Then we finished the day with a pizza/pool party at a ward member's house.

Can I just say, it was fun, even if exhausting? I certainly didn't plan this alone (we have 5 AD leaders, and they all helped, along with parents). I'm glad that Activity Days Camp is only three days (unlike Scout Camp, which is 5 days). I'm sad that, effective tomorrow, I'll have a new calling and won't get to work on Activity Days anymore!!!

Church Diversity

At the end of March my ward had a "diversity discussion" during the second hour of church. They didn't call it that, but essentially that's what it was - a panel of ward members talking about their experiences in church and how they were different. For reasons passing understanding, I was asked to speak on the panel (actually I think they just figured out who I was from my answers to the "anonymous" survey they sent out - I'm one of the few single people in my family ward).

Anyway, I thought it was a great idea, but unfortunately if I don't plan and practice what I'm going to say I tend to get emotional when speaking publicly. That happened during the panel, and I'm pretty sure I did a disservice to my cause by being weepy and weak. So here's what I wish I could have said in response to the questions they asked (I'm recreating the questions as best I can remember them).

What makes you different than other ward members?
I am single in a church that constantly emphasizes marriage and family. That *can* be intimidating and make me feel like I don't belong here in a "family" ward.

What do you wish ward members knew about you?
That being single does not automatically mean that I am unhappy all the time. Being single is much better than being married to the wrong person! We need to create space in the church for single people to be viewed as whole and complete individuals. I do want to be married someday, but that doesn't mean I need or want your pity for "coming to church alone." We all make a choice to own our faith and live as our true selves. Single adults are adults and can be treated as such.

What can ward members do to support you?
Be a true friend. I think it is very easy for me to have superficial relationships at church. The kind where I know your name and you know mine, but we don't really talk to each other. I need to be a better friend and minister to those I interact with at church - we can all do better. As I mentioned, pity isn't helpful. I don't want pity, because I don't think it really builds authentic or meaningful relationships with others.

One of the (few?) good things about appearing on this panel has been the chance to contemplate all of the kindnesses that ward members have shown me over the time I've been in the ward. A ward member invited me to her home during the Sunday snowstorm so that I could partake of the sacrament, because church was cancelled. Another ward member came and literally planted a flowering bush in my yard. Yet another asked me for book recommendations and then discussed with me after reading. Other ward members have dropped off cookies, complimented my clothes, listened to my comments, etc.

What should ward members *not* do?
My friend recently attended a family member's sealing and was asked by the sealer "Why aren't you married?" The sealer didn't know her situation and that she had just gone through a very difficult break-up with her boyfriend of multiple years. She spent time crying in the car after the sealing because it hurt her. While you may think it's kind to say things like "I just can't believe you're not married - you're so great!," comments like these just cause me to wonder, yeah, I don't know why either! Also, marriage isn't a reward for righteous behavior and we shouldn't treat it as such. Marriage is important but plenty of great people don't get married.

When I was in Young Women's, one of my YW leaders told me that she had received revelation that there was a future husband for me out there. I think she wanted to reassure me that I shouldn't worry about the future, and I'm sure she meant to be kind. However, in the decades since then, it has caused me to question my life path - where is this husband she foresaw for me? Did I take a wrong turn somewhere in life and that is why he hasn't shown up yet? I would strongly urge you to NOT saying things like that to youth, it will mess them up big time.

Any other thoughts?
As a teenager, I sat at a table where a woman in our ward said some very terrible things about gay people. Because it didn't affect me directly, I didn't speak up. I later learned that some members of our ward at the time were gay. I don't know if they were at that table (I don't remember who else was there), but I wish I would have been brave enough to say something, even if her comments didn't impact me personally. Please remember to be kind in all your dealings with ward members.

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The other panelists were so great! We had a Hispanic sister, an African American sister, a very thoughtful man with a son who left the church, and another woman who talked about being an LGBTQ+ ally. Anyway, that is what I would have said if I hadn't been an emotional wreck. Good thing no one has talked to me about it in the weeks since.

If I was...

(Contrast with the blog post just posted about how "Mother's Day is not about me" - this is a thought experiment about what if it was...as a sneaky and selfish way of making something that isn't about me to be about me!)

If I was a mother, I would overshare my baby's every moment on social media. Pictures, first words, witty quips, first bike ride, teenage frustrations, all of it. At the same time, I would be the mom who wouldn't let her kids use social media until they were 18.

If I was a mother, I would be scared all the time. I'd freak out about colds, skinned knees, school bullying, sleep patterns, etc. While I'd try to hold it in, I'm pretty sure I would be an overprotective and annoying and hypochondriac mom.

If I was a mother, I'd read bedtime stories to my kids. All of my favorites, over and over again. The house would be full of books. I would be so excited to read the Harry Potter series with them, and devastated if they weren't into it.

If I was a mother, I would teach my kids to bake. We'd make cookies for the neighbors and rolls at Christmas time.

If I was a mother, I would tell my kids I love them. Like way too much. An embarrassing too much. I'd write notes on their lunch napkins about how much I love them. They would roll their eyes at me.

If I were a mother, I'd get super into Halloween costumes and trick or treating. We would do theme costumes.

If I was a mother, I'd like to think I would be the fun mom, who had the cool hangout house with ping pong and TV in the basement. Who let her kids pick the music in the car, hugged their friends, and listened to their stories. The kind of mom who would surprise her kids with a trip to Disneyland or an amusement park. But really, I have a sneaking suspicion that I would be the mom who forced her kids to take piano lessons, finish their homework, and took them on educational vacations to historical sites. 

But the thing is, I'm not a mother. And I probably won't ever be. So I don't have any way of knowing whether the above is true. I probably shouldn't even think about these things, because it hurts too much. But sometimes I can't help it, especially when it's Mother's Day. I'd be a terrible mom in a lot of ways, but I could also be a good one in some ways too.

Mother's Day is Not About Me

Yesterday as I was contemplating the emotional minefield that is Mother's Day, a thought came to me: "Mother's Day is not about YOU." There's a lot of truth to that, in more ways than one.



First, Mother's Day is about my mom - she is phenomenal! She made the choice to spend her time raising four kids as a full time job, and did great (despite the way I turned out...LOL). Not everyone had a wonderful mother, and some people have mothers who have passed away. I'm so lucky that I have a loving mom, she lives only 20 minutes away, and we have a good relationship.

Second, Mother's Day is about all Mothers (duh). That includes mothers who adopted, mothers who don't have good relationships with their children, mothers who miscarried, mothers who work outside the home (and those who don't!), stepmothers, and mothers in all shapes and sizes. My friends who are mothers are such examples to me. They deserve recognition for the difficult task that is motherhood - it's a lifelong journey that shapes the destinies of all humanity. We should honor them all the time, but it's nice that they have a special day to be celebrated. Motherhood is important and valuable and HARD, and we should all recognize and support the moms in our lives.

Third, (and I can't emphasize this enough), I AM NOT A MOTHER. Church talks and well-meaning people sometimes want to say that "all women are mothers (or future mothers)." In some ways, I like and respect that thought - I appreciate that Eve was "the mother of all living" before she had children, and Deborah was a "Mother in Israel" because she led a nation. But, taken too far, this line of reasoning can conflate motherhood with womanhood. Motherhood is important and difficult work and if we water it down, it loses its meaning.

For example, I love the kids in my Primary class. I want what's best for them, and enjoy spending time with them. But, if my relationship with them is the same as their mothers', then they have a very superficial relationship with their children!

Motherhood is not equal to Womanhood. I think we do a disservice to both when we confuse the two. I know that some women without children do enjoy this aspect of Mother's Day, and I know that no one can win when writing a Mother's Day talk for church. But for me, Mother's Day works better when we focus on actual mothers and don't confuse "being around children" with mothering said children. It's easy for me to wallow in self-pity, but that shouldn't be an excuse to change the meaning of a day meant to celebrate mothers.

TL;DR version by a Twitter user:
I don’t want to be told Happy Mother’s Day today because I am not a mother, have intrinsic value outside of being a mother and I think we should celebrate the unique sacrifices Mothers make. THAT BEING SAID I wouldn’t say no to chocolate that just happened to show up at church

Also said much better in this Salt Lake Tribune piece.

On Being Radical

One of the questions I had as I researched Mormon women and the suffrage movement was what role Mormon women played in the movement after their suffrage was enshrined in the Utah constitution in 1896. Would Mormon women care enough about other women's rights to continue the fight?

A great resource for information as I researched was Better Days 2020 Utah, a nonprofit organized to celebrate next year's 150th anniversary of Utah women voting in 2020 (suffrage was originally granted in 1870, before being taken away in 1887 and then restored in 1896). One of their blog posts introduced me to Ellen Lovern Robinson, a Mormon and member of the National Woman's Party ("NWP").

Alice Paul founded the NWP in 1916, to protest and drive towards a federal amendment supporting women's suffrage. Members of the NWP were the first people to protest in front of the White House in an effort to turn President Woodrow Wilson into a suffrage supporter. They began in January 1917, shortly before Wilson's 2nd inauguration, and it was considered a radical and provoking step.

Respectable suffrage supporters like Carrie Chapman Catt, president of the National American Women's Suffrage Association (NAWSA), were scandalized when the NWP continued protesting after the U.S. joined World War I. It was considered disloyal and treasonous. Alice Paul herself was arrested on October 20, 2017 while carrying a banner with Wilson's own words: "The time has come to conquer or submit, for us there can be but one choice. We have made it."

Once Alice Paul was sentenced to 7 months in prison, her colleague Lucy Burns carried on the fight and rallied the members of the NWP. Ellen Lovern Robinson came from Utah to join the protesters on November 10, 1917. The protesters were arrested and sent to the Occoquan Workhouse in Lorton, Virginia. Lovern was there for the Night of Terror, when suffragists were brutalized and thrown into dark solitary confinement.

Silent Sentinels, with Mormon Ellen Lovern Robertson fourth from right.

I'm grateful for those who were radical enough to get arrested and risk everything for suffrage. It's especially impressive in Lovern's case, when she already had the right to vote, but was willing to fight for others' rights by protesting. 

The Original "Women's March"

After President Trump's election, a huge women's march was held in Washington, D.C. That march was held on the day after President Trump's Inauguration. It wasn't the first time that women had marched in D.C., however! In 1913, Alice Paul and Lucy Burns organized a massive "procession" down Pennsylvania Avenue on the day before President Wilson's inauguration. They tried to make it genteel and ladylike, and even had an official "program" for the March:

Alice Paul planned it all with meticulous attention to detail and robust respect for the pageantry of the occasion. She spent over $20,000, which at the time, was an immense amount of money. This graphic lays out the order of the thousands of women who marched in the parade, and the Smithsonian has a really good interactive article explaining each part of the parade.

One of the things that is so interesting about history is that it's all interconnected. Alice Paul and Lucy Burns are the ones who lead the way, and we continue to build on their foundation today.