A Bit 'o Random Musings on Politics, Religion, and Anything Else That Passes Through My Crazy Head

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Knock Knock

This is going to get a little old - posting every day.  So I thought I'd share some of my favorite jokes.  I freely admit that I am a horrible joke teller because I usually laugh at my own jokes.  So that's the benefit of doing this via blog - hopefully the jokes are better?  Actually, these jokes are probably terrible, but it's been a long day and I'm too tired to care.  Feel free to post any of your favorite jokes in the comments!

Note: I apologize to Blondes, as some of these are Blonde jokes.  I also apologize in advance for any jokes that offend you.  In no particular order, here are some the jokes and photos.

So one day, a liberal, a conservative, and a moderate walks into a bar.  "Hello, Mitt!" says the bartender.

Two blondes are hiking in the woods, and come across some tracks.  "These are deer tracks!" says the first blonde.  "No, no, these are moose tracks!" says the second.  "You're wrong!"  They were still arguing when the train hit them.


Two blondes are on opposite sides of a large river.  The first blonde calls out to the other blonde: "How do you get to the other side?"  The other blonde yells back: "You ARE on the other side!"

Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving down the road in Chicago and stop to get gas.  The gas station owner runs out and gives Hillary a big hug.  "Joe was my date to prom over forty years ago!" Hillary tells Bill.  Joe and Hillary have a pleasant conversation about old times and old friends.  As they drive away in the car, Bill turns to Hillary and says, "See?  Aren't you glad you married me?  If you had married him, all you'd be is the wife of a gas station owner!  I was President!"  Hillary replies: "If I had married HIM, HE would have been President!"

Two missionaries are tracting in the bible belt.  They knock on one door, and hear a warning from behind the  door: "Get off my property RIGHT NOW!"  Before the missionaries can back away, the owner comes out shooting - aiming straight at the Senior Companion's chest, who jumps in front of his Junior Companion.  The bullet hits him, knocking him down.  To everyone's amazement, the bullet is lodged in the Book of Mormon in the Elder's suit pocket, and he gets up.  He opens the Book of Mormon and says "Wow - I guess it's true, NOTHING really can get through Second Nephi!"  (Note: I told this joke in the first talk I ever gave in Church)

St. Peter is giving a tour of Heaven to some newcomers.  They all get on a tour bus.  St. Peter points out the Lutheran section, the Methodist Section, the Buddhist section, etc.  Then he tells them that they all have to be very very quiet as the pass the next section of Heaven.  They drive up to a hill overlooking this section, where they see a well-ordered neighborhood.  Getting back on the bus as St. Peter hushes them all, one of the newcomers asks, "What section was that?"  St. Peter replies, "Those are the Mormons, they don't know that anyone else is here."

1 comment:

  1. A very good sms! The same is for us guys, too. I am enjoying it because of these so funny. Actually, I am looking forKnock Knock jokes. Do you have?